Week In Review
Final Scores*
Blue Springs Inoculators – 474.5
I’m Bill James, Bitch – 453
Thoughts:
The Inoculators scored 307 of their 474.5 fantasy points via hitting. The Inoculators won despite being out-pitched by BJB, 216 to 167.5.
Krunk Smurfs – 354.5
Viva El Birdos – 456
Thoughts:
Where in the world did the Birdos come from? Note to Adam: do not count on complete game shutouts from Kyle Lohse and 50-plus point weeks from Emilio Bonifacio all season. Chris Young posted 62 fantasy points this week, but was still 12.5 points behind Kyle Lohse’s output for the week.
The Zou – 267
Texas A-holes – 429.5
Thoughts:
I do not enjoy talking about the A-holes or The Zou. Next!
Rolorado Cockies – 303
Polk County Homer-Hulks – 446.5
Thoughts:
Consider me genuinely frightened by Kimball now. Sheesh. And Josh Johnson?! Holy sh…
San Antonio Saints – 282
Flying Monkeys – 435
Thoughts:
Tony picked up right where he left off in basketball season. Roy Oswalt, Edinson Volquez and Chien-Ming Wang all had terrible weeks. Shockingly, Todd Wellemeyer sucked. I expect Oswalt and Wang to bounce back and for Harden to have a better week next week.
*These finals do not include the points from shutouts posted by, of all people: Kyle Lohse and Aaron Harang. It should be noted that none of these points affected the outcome of any of these matchups.
Week In Preview
Blue Springs Inoculators V San Antonio Saints
General Thought: Remember all of those things I said I expected to happen, Tony? I hope they don’t happen.
Specific Thought: Tony’s three starters set for Monday – Edinson Volquez, Chien-Ming Wang and Jamie Moyer – will dictate who wins this matchup. Nielsen has nobody countering them.
WTF Thought: What makes Budweiser’s “American Ale” an American Ale? Are they suggesting that all other American made ales are not, in fact, American? And isn’t Budweiser owned by a Belgian company? Anyway, I say all of this to say that the St. Louis Cardinals are un-American.
Krunk Smurfs V The Zou
General Thought: I want Jason to win.
Specific Thought: I want Jason to win because I do not like Erik.
WTF Thought: Jason, I think your team name is now outdated because the term “krunk” has to be dead by now. This is why you need to go with a bland, yet always timely name such as: The Blue Springs Inoculators. Boring, yet somewhat compelling because you don’t entirely know what it means.
I’m Bill James, Bitch V Rolorado Cockies
General Thought: I think now would be a good time to mention that my hitting alone outscored Joel, Erik and Tony’s entire team. Not to say this will ever happen again, but you know your team sucks when one facet of another team is outscoring your entire team. Ouch.
Specific Thought: Joel had precisely two hitters who posted more than 15 fantasy points last week. Two. Remember how I said hitting meant something? Joel received 159 fantasy points in a combined effort from Johan Santana, Armando Galarraga, Ryan Dempster, Carlos Marmol and James Shields… and still lost by almost 150 points. HITTING WINS MATCHUPS!!!!!
WTF Thought: Andrew, change your team name. Any name that requires a comma sucks. Bill James Bitches would suffice. Just anything without a comma please.
Texas A-holes V Polk County Homer-Hulks
General Thoughts: I want Kimball to win because I don’t like A-holes.
Specific Thoughts: On the other hand, I want Kimball to lose so I can sleep well at night. Seriously, I have no idea where you got those fantasy points from, Kimball. And you got them despite the fact that Alex Gordon, Jorge Posada, Ian Stewart and Pat Burrell all combined for a whopping 36 points. Honestly, I’m afraid to sleep at night.
WTF Thought: Josh Johnson?! Really???
Viva El Birdos V Flying Monkey
General Thought: Adam… hat tip to you, you lucky son of a crippled monkey.
Specific Thought: Kyle Lohse. Kyle. Fucking. Lohse. Line, please!
Lohse Career: 78-80, 4.67 ERA, 1.413 WHIP, 2.7 BB/9, 10 H/9, 5.6 K/9
Lohse Week One: 2-0, 1.13 ERA, 0.563 WHIP, .6 BB/9, 4.5 H/9, 4.5 K/9
Seriously? First, please note that Lohse had only eight strikeouts in 16 innings, but only gave up two runs and eight hits. This means 40 of his 48 outs were balls that were put in play. It also means 48 of the 57 batters he faced put the ball in play. You do understand how unbelievably lucky someone has to be to allow only two runs when 84-percent of the batters Lohse faced put the ball in play against him, right? For comparison sake…
Kyle Lohse Shutout: 30 batters faced, 26 balls in play. 86% BIP
Kyle Lohse Career: 5949 batters faced, 4618 balls in play. 78% BIP
Aaron Harang Shutout: 31 batters faced, 21 balls in play. 68% BIP
Johan Santana Sunday (0 ER, 7 IP): 25 batters faced, 11 balls in play. 44% BIP
If anybody here says Dave Duncan is a genious, I’m going to rip off your testicles. This was an unbelievably lucky week for Kyle Lohse. God, I hate St. Louis…
(I’m an angry elf, and slightly bitter.)
WTF Thought: Kyle Lohse?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Jeff, for everyone’s sanity, please kick Adam’s ass this week. Thank you.
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