Saturday, April 21, 2007

AROD, Mid-Week Power Rankings and Worthless Stuff

Yay sportsmanship!

PAP Meter: “Dear [Albert], I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit. You are scum between my toes. Love, [Ben]”

Five home runs. 12 runs batted in. Seven hits. Four games. 32 fantasy points. You know what the sad part about Alex Rodriguez monster four game stretch is? He is not even the best offensive fantasy player on the Smurfs so far this week (Carlos Beltran – 36 points). Add Rickie Weeks’ 25 points and you have 93 points between three players. That is 94 more points than the entire Blackhawks pitching staff.

It is numbers like these that has led me to one conclusion: I need a name change.

Consider this:

Week One Opponent -300*: We all remember the steroid scandal that happened that week. What you don’t remember? Huston Street’s 25.5 points. He now resides on the 300* bench. Solomon Torres who had a key save at the end of the week? Not even on his roster.

Week Two Opponent – The Zou: The Zou had 74.5 points in week one. Their follow up for week two? A cool 319.5…with nearly THE SAME ROSTER! What?!?!?!?!

While this was going on… Albert Pujols is having the worst offensive start of his career and so is Manny Ramirez. I had a day where three pitchers have the following line: 21 IP, 2 ER, 8 BB, 12 K and 3 Quality Starts. Their record? 1-2. ONE AND TWO! On the same day, Mr. Guillen decided to not bring in his closer until there was one out in the ninth to prevent him from getting the save. So, the total points for three of the four pitchers? 1. One. Uno.

Week Three Opponent – Smurfs: AROD goes crazy off. Beltran goes crazy off. Weeks goes off. Webb strikes out 13 in eight innings.

What happens to me? I have 114 point offensive start DWARFED by Smurfs who only needed THREE players to almost make up the difference. Todd Jones blew a save to the ROYALS of all people.

Yep, I suck.

Actually, no, I don’t suck. I am cursed. It makes sense doesn’t it? I mean, when was the last time someone blew a save to the Royals? Really?

So I have decided to change my name to better reflect something that resembles curs-ed-ness…er…something like that.

Here it is:

You ready?

I am now officially the….Blue Springs Royal-Cubs.

I think it captures, not just the cursedness, but also the “I suck really bad” ness.

If you think you have any better suggestions, I will gladly take them.


Rodriguez is 31 years-old. Here are his career stats:

.306 BA, 476 HR, 1377 RBI, 1378 runs, 370 2B, 26 3B, 242 SB, 60 CS, 827 BB, 1419 K, .386 OBP, .577 SLG and 2 MVP Awards

2007 Stats:

.371 BA, 12 HR, 30 RBI, 20 runs, 6 2B, SB, 7 BB, 15 K, .431 OBP, 1.048 SLG

I have one question: How do Yankee fans boo this guy? Oh, yeah, I remember. He only hit 35 homers and drove in 121 last year. That makes sense.


He hasn’t sucked this week (HR, 2 RBI, 5 BB, 3 singles, 15 FP) but he has not been dominate. I’m still for that AROD-like week.

Feel free to do it anytime soon buddy. Tool…


As I previously mentioned in this blog, the Royals had an unfathomable win on Wednesday and then followed it up with an 11-7 accidental victory versus the Twins on Friday. Right now, they are up 3-1 versus Boof Bonzer (yeah, he was on my fantasy team…I was desperate) in the 4th inning. Dare I say it? Winning streak?????

Wait, I just remembered. We have David Riske. I take that back.


After a grueling three year long regular season, the NBA has finally started the playoffs. The first game of the best of 19 game series began today. Game two is scheduled for next month.

My prediction? Some team who could not win in the Olympics will win it all. That means it is wide open.


Remember that Carlos Beltran guy I have been speaking of? Yeah, well he has put up another 11 fantasy points since I have started this blog.



1) Smurfs – Jerk.

2) Tones – Bye, bye King Felix.

KC – Piece.

Pez-Eaters – Okay, I’m going to be honest with you – I was expecting a better name.
Sorry, but, I just was. At least your team doesn’t suck though.

The Zou - The Zou = 2006 Cardinals. You have no business winning. You receive no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

6) 300* - So…you gonna start doing steroids again?

7) Schilbies – I still think your name is gay. Really. Very gay.

9098709487203498572093485720938475109847) Royal-Cubs – I suck.


It in a clutch situation, the game tied at three in the bottom of the ninth (actually, it’s the fourth, but, just go with it) Alex Gordon has hit his second home run of his career. Move over Pujols, AROD, Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, Hank Aaron, Willie Mays and…dare I say…George Brett – HERE COMES AGOR!

Oh, it should be noted that Greinke has thrown 78 pitches through four innings. Efficiency is what I call that. Efficiency. (P.S. He through 48 pitches in .2 innings his last start.)

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Virginia Tech

There is a candlelight visual being held at the SBU football field at 7 p.m. (the same time as the VT one).

Everyone should go.


One: Because their loss could be what it takes to get people at this school to realize the potential dangers of continually cutting security funding, underspending, and not thinking about student atmosphere.

Two: If you want SBU to be taken legitimately as a school, you've got to do your part and be willing to become part of the school. Whether it is at sporting events or when the school unites to mourn a loss. None of us have earned the right to say we have done enough to build and encourage a unified student body.

Three: Because I found the event was worthy enough to write a blog about it.

7 p.m. SBU Football field. Please go.

Monday, April 16, 2007

10th Post Celebration, Week Two Review, Week Three Preview, Ultimate Lineup, Power Rankings, Stats, Venting, Pujols the Tool, Ballots, Other Stuff

Seriously, this is freaking amazing.

PAP Meter – “Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.”

This is the 10th post of the League Blog. Let’s look back at some of the more fine moments of our illustrious blog’s history.

300* Steroids Scandal – Remember way back in Week One when 300 was charged with knowingly allowing players to use steroids? Whatever happened with that anyway? Man, how time flies and you just forget things.

Week One Predictions – I was 3 for 4 that week. Freaking steroids cost me a perfect start more ways that one.

Pujols Sucks – Remember that time when I was so nerdy and pissed off I wrote an entire thing about how Pujols is having the worst start of his career and how it was negatively affecting my team? Wow, that was way back in the day when I was sarcastic and negative.


Kimball – [this spot is empty on purpose]

When The Zou Equaled the 2003 Tigers – Hey, even the they won, like, 43 games or something.

Smurfin’ Smurfs – Gay name. But 105 points in one day? Holy Crap. (For the record, the Tones had a 114 point day last week)

King Felix - Nice pick up Tony. Piece (o’ crap).

Royals Rule – Remember that time when the Royals were 1-0? And the Cardinals started 0-3. Those were good times.

As you can see, we have been through a lot these last ten posts. Who knows how many rough looking, tattooed, nappy-headed hos will lose championship games in the next ten posts.


What was supposed to be the “Match-up of the Week” turned into the second-biggest blowout of the week.

The culprit? 300* relief pitching. Even with Ultimate Lineup star Josh Beckett notching in 45.5 points this week, the pitching for 300 amassed a total of 7.5 points. Yikes. This performance led to the ultimate demise of 300 and gave the Smurfs an easy win.

Key in Review – Starting Pitching: Turned out to be relief pitching, but it was still pitching just the same.

Picks to Not Suck – JD Drew, Smurfs and Andruw Jones, 300: Jones had 24 points and Drew only had 11 Abs due to rainouts and such.

Prediction – Smurfs over 300: Me = 4 for 5 on predictions so far.

Other Games

Tones vs KC

Picks to Not Suck – Ichiro Suzuki, Tones and Derek Lee, KC: Ichiro = 6 points in 13 Abs, Lee = Umm….he sucked.

Prediction – Tones over KC: 5 for 6 thank you.

Schilbies vs Team Kimball/Pez-Eaters

Picks to Not Suck – Ryan Howard, PEZ and Miguel Cabrera, Schilbies: Howard = 8 Abs and 28 points…I’d say that’s good. Cabrera = 21 points. Well, he didn’t suck.

Prediction – Schilbies over PEZ: 5 for 7. Stupid Eating of Pez.

Blackhawks vs The Zou

Picks to Not Suck – Mark Teahen, Zou and David Wright, Blackhawks: Teahen = 7 Ks, -8 points…ouch. Wright = 14 points in 10 Abs. I’ll take that…though Atkins had 29. Would have rather had that.

Prediction – Blackhawks over Zou: 5 for 8. No comment.


There are two reasons why Springfield (or Springfeild as he spells it) KC verses Columbia Schilies will be the best match-up of the week:

1) Vlad Guerrero is going to be pissed off this week.
2) There is really no other decent match-up this week.

SO… without further adu, here is the breakdown of the Schilbies versus KC game.

KC has the definite lineup edge in this match. Three names for KC: Vlad Guerrero, Travis Hafner and Carlos Delgado. Rafael Frucal also returns from the DL this week, which makes his like up that much better. Now if he only had a better third baseman…

While pitching has not been his strong point, KC still holds the edge over the Schilbies with starters like Jake Peavy, Ted Lily and closer Bob Wickman. The Pansies do have John Lacky and John Smoltz to go with Justin Verlander, but all three of them have not been enough to get strong performances out of the pitching staff. Then again, the Pansies just got rid of Barry Zito…I take that back, the Schilbies have the edge in pitching.

What all of this is going to come down to is the Pansies seeing an upgrade in pitching performance or KC getting the consistency he needs out of his lineup. Whoever does that better is going to walk away with the win this week.

W2W4: Rain outs. He who plays get the chance to score points. He who does not, roots for the other guy to lose points.

Picks to Not Suck: Carlos Delgado, KC and Miguel Cabrera, Schilbies

Prediction: KC over Schilbies. I need someone to go 0-3 with my Schilb. Make me proud.

Other Games

Krunk Smurfs vs Blackhawks

W2W4: A name change from the Blackhawks this week.
Picks to Not Suck: Alex Rodriguez, Smurfs and Manny Ramirez, Blackhawks
Prediction: Smurfs all kinds of over Blackhawks

Pez-Eaters vs Tones

W2W4: This match-up could get interesting. Well, at least until Felix Hernandez pitches.
Picks to Not Suck: Felix Hernandez, Tones and Chase Utley, Pez
Prediction: Felix Hernandez over Pez

The Zou vs 300*

W2W4: Neither are playing me, thus, they will suck.
Picks to Not Suck: They will all suck.
Prediction: 300* over Zou, 102.5 - 87


C Russell Martin (Tones) 25 points
Backup Kenji Johjima (Smurfs) 20 points

1B Ryan Howard (PEZ) 28 points
Backup Justin Mourneau 27 points

2B Rickie Weeks (Smurfs) 37 points
Backup Ian Kinsler (Tones) 36 points

3B Adrian Beltre (FA) 33 points
Backups Chipper Jones (PEZ), Alex Rodriguez (Smurfs), Garrett Atkins (Blackhawks) 29 points

SS Aaron Hill (FA) 29 points
Backups Carlos Guillen (Tones), Jose Reyes (300) 35 points
LF Carlos Lee (Zou) 27 points
Backup Barry Bonds (Blackhawks) 26 points

CF Kenny Lofton (FA), Grady Siezmore (Zou) 28 points
Backup Andruw Jones (300) 24 points

RF Alex Rios (Smurfs) 29 points
Backup Delmon Young (Zou) 25 points

DH Kevin Millar (FA) 30 points
Backup Jim Thome (Tones) 22 points

Starting Pitchers
1) C.C. Sabathia (Zou) 70 points
2) Kyle Lohse (FA) 65 points
3) Tim Hudson (Zou) 58 points
4) Felix Hernandez (Tones) 55 points
5) Josh Beckett (300) 46 points

Andy Pettitte (Schilbies) 43 points, Ted Lily (KC) and Nate Robinson (Tones) 38 points

Relief Pitchers
1) Bradon Looper (FA) 39 points
2) David Aardsma (FA) 36 points

Chris Ray (Smurfs) 35 points, Al Reyes (FA) and Francisco Cordero (Tones) 34 points

Week and Season Totals for Ultimate Lineup Starters
FA 7 (8), Zou 4 (4), Tones 2 (5), Smurfs 2 (3), PEZ 1 (1), 300 1 (5)

Week and Season Totals for Ultimate Lineup Backups
Tones 5 (6), Smurfs 3 (8), Zou 2 (2), Blackhawks 2 (2), 300 2 (3), FA 1 (6), PEZ 1 (1), Schilbies 1 (1), KC 1 (4)


Umm…all these numbers say I am cursed. That’s all that they mean. Oh, and these numbers are from ESPN. That is why they look weird and are, more than likely wrong.

Top 3 Total Points For (Season)
1) Tones (872.5)
2) KC (639)
3) Smurfs (582.5)

Top 3 Points Against (Season)
1) KC (740)
2) Blackhawks (696.5)
3) Schilbies (583)

Top 3 Best Scoring Days (Season)
1) Tones 114 April 11
2) Smurfs 105 April 7
3) The Zou 95 April 15

Top 3 Worst Scoring Days (Season)
1) The Zou minus-15 April 6
2) 300* minus-13.5 April 11
3) Blackhawks minus-13 April 15


OOOOOHHHHHHHH we have a new number one!

1) Anybody playing the Blackhawks. This week – the Krunk Smurfs. “Wait,” you say. “They were number one last week.” To this I say…nothing. I’m an idiot.

2) Tones – King Felix rules for the Tones

3) Pez-Eaters – Good pick-ups lead to big jump.

4) KC – Rainouts hurt him last week.

5) 300 – Not so easy when you lay off the ‘roids for a week is it?

6) The Zou – Even the 2003 Tigers won games. Don’t get used to the winning feeling.

7) Blackhawks – And I won’t be getting used to the winning feeling either…

8) Schilbies – Somehow, your team is worse than mine. How? I don’t know. Maybe next week…


There are very few things more satisfying than deflating your enemy without having to say a single word.


Pujols line: 2-5, 2 HR, 5 RBI, 2 runs, K

Could have used that out put a few times this week…thanks Tool.

Then he says that he has been dealing with a sore oblique...once again, Tool.


There is still time to submit your over / under ballot. Either leave it as a comment on the blog or on the league page.

The categories are on the last post.

DO IT NOW…please?

By the way, thanks Tony for your submission and your guess at the amount of my awards I would get.


If I get around to it…

Friday, April 13, 2007

Pujols Sucks, OVER/UNDER, Click Stuff, AND FINALLY...

Pujols is batting .176 so far this season. Still, this better than six Royals who have played at least 7 games. But I am still more pissed at Pujols. Schilby. I mean, pansy. Sorry about that Joel. Kinda.

I am not going to lie, I am starting to get pissed off at Albert Pujols.

Yes, I know, it has barely been two weeks since the season started, but please allow me to share some statistics with you:

Albert Pujols career first 10 games numbers 2001-2006:

Rookie Season, 2001: 14-36, 3 2B, 3 HR, 11 RBI, 3 BB, 5 SO, 6 R, .389 avg., 1.158 OPS
2002: 12-40, 4 2B, HR, 10 RBI, 7 BB, 5 SO, SB, 9 runs, .300 avg., .871 OPS
2003: 11-37, 3 2B, 2 HR, 7 RBI, 7 BB, 4 SO, 9 runs, .297 avg., .936 OPS
2004: 11-38, 4 2B, 4 HR, 11 RBI, 12 BB, SO, 10 runs, .289 avg., 1.115 OPS
2005: 11-40, 2B, 3 HR, 5 RBI, 5 BB, 3 SO, SB, 7 runs, .275 avg., .866 OPS
2006: 9-33, 4 HR, 10 RBI, 12 BB, 4 SO, 2 SB, 9 runs, .273 avg., 1.080 OPS

Career Avg. through 10 games:
11-37, 3 2B, 3 HR, 9 RBI, 8 BB, 4 SO, SB, 8 R(50),.304 avg.

Albert Pujols 2007 through Thursday (officially 9 games):

6-34, 2 2B, HR, 2 RBI, 8 BB, 4 SO, 5 runs, .176 avg., .606 OPS

To reach his career average, Pujols must do the following today: five hits, a double, two home runs, seven runs batted in, and score three runs.

Normally I would say what the black kid says in Angels in the Outfield, “Hey, it could happen.”

Here are two things I have learned through this: is amazing and I can be legitimately mad at Pujols.

You don’t think so? Let’s take a look at some other first basemen:

  • Name FR FP Comment
  • Casey Kitchman 1 35 Who?
  • Adrian Gonzalez T2 34 Huh?
  • Mike Jacobs T2 34 Is this a real person?
  • Kevin Millar 5 30 Oh geez…
  • Todd Helton T6 26 Hey, someone I know!
  • Pujols T6 26 BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
  • Conor Jackson T8 25 Great, more people I don’t know.
  • Kevin Youkillis T11 22 Pujols is only out producing him by 4 points.
  • Nick Swisher T11 22 And he was one of Andrew’s worst picks!
  • Prince Fielder 13 21 22 years-old and only 5 points behind Pujols.
  • Jeff Conine 14 20 Okay, I am stopping there…

These are just first baseman. Pujols wasn’t supposed to be the best fantasy first baseman, he was supposed to be the best fantasy player.

Let’s take a look at some noteables (keep in mind, Pujols has 26 FP):

  • Name FP Comment
  • Orlando Hudson 39 Ouch.
  • Rickie Weeks 37 Ouch.
  • David DeJesus 37 Ouch.
  • Ian Kinsler 37 Ouch.
  • Akinori Iwamura 36 Acua who? Oh, and – Ouch.
  • Aaron Hill 33 Ouch.
  • Luis Gonzalez 32 Ouch.
  • Brian McCann 32 He’s a catcher. Double Ouch.
  • Eric Byrnes 31 Ouch.
  • Ty Wigginton 30 Ouch.
  • Kelly Johnson 30 Ouch.
  • Geoff Jenkins 29 Ouch.
  • Chad Tracy 29 Ouch.
  • J.J. Herdy 29 The guy is on waivers….
  • Ryan Church 29 So is he…
  • Kenny Lofton 28 I thought he was dead?
  • Edgar Renteria 28 Schilb is BEGGING to not start him anymore.
  • Ken Griffey Jr. 27 Has played three games….in the last five years.
  • Corey Patterson 27 Oh, Lord.
  • Brandon Phillips 27 I swear this is not a joke.
  • Curtis Granderson 26 Granderson = Pujols.
  • David Eckstein 24 Okay, seriously, this is getting out of hand…
  • Shawn Green 23 He’s a jew. Only reason why I put him on here.
  • Gregg Zaun 23 A day away from being better than Pujols.
  • Tony Pena Jr. 16 Really.

Alex Rodriguez is leading all players through Thursday with 62 points. I am okay with this. If Pujols were 10, even 20, points behind AROD right now I would be totally fine right now. AROD hit a home run in six straight games including a grand slam to end a game. I can understand not being able to match that pace. But Pujols is nearly 40 (36) points behind him. I mean, come on!

This is why I feel justified to say that I am pissed at Albert Pujols. To keep the rest of you informed of my emotions, I have created the PAP (Pissed-At-Pujols) Meter. This meter goes on a scale of “Who? What? I have who on my team? Really? I thought that space was kimball?” to “Why don’t we just start referring to Pujols has ‘Hall of Famer Albert Pujols’ right now and skip the whole ‘Future Hall of Famer’ thing? While we’re at it, let’s just go ahead and induct him now and save us the 20-plus year wait.”

Right now, the meter is set as such: “Here’s your sign.”


To keep things interesting, I am going to start a game called “The Over/Under Game”. Creative, huh? The point of this game is to be the most accurate at as many as the questions that are posed. What do you get if you win? As of now, nothing. I’ll work on it.


1. Pick an over or under
2. Make an estimate of what will be the correct number
3. Pray like no one’s business that God does not consider this a sin
4. Post you guesses as a comment on the wall as a message on the League Page discussion board

5. Keep praying

+/- 27.5
Amount of Fantasy Points accumulated by Felix Hernandez in his next start.

+/- 1.5
The amount of home runs Alex Rodriguez hits from April 16 –22.

+/- 195
Amount of points scored by the Tones pitching staff from April 15-21.

+/- 1.5
Amount of wins by the Kansas City Royals between April 13-19.

+/- 8.5
Amount of wins by the Southwest Baptist baseball team for the rest of the season.

+/- 0
Total relief pitching points by 300 in his current match-up against the Smurfs.

+/- 5
Awards Ben Nielsen will win at the MCMA awards. (Last year I got five: 4 1st, 1 3rd)


I have similar feelings.

I think this guy played football at SBU at one point.

F'n Paul Bako.

Make your own conclusions.

You know what time it is?

Five good minutes

Music makes funny things funnier.

I think the closest I have ever been to having a reaction like this is when we drafted Derrick Johnson. Man, my favorite teams suck.

I'd vote for this Bush.

And more Ferrell...


300 cheated.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

ESPN is Gay

Because ESPN is gay...

Due to ineptitude, ESPN is being forced to reset the rosters of every single fantasy baseball league in its system in order to fix problems it has. Personally, I think some ESPN geek had a Blackhawk-like start and wanted to reset the system to erase it.


Anyway, here is my plan. I have recorded everyone's roster as it is for today, April 11. When ESPN resets the rosters, I will then unset the draft and do the following:

1) Curse several times under my breath. Or outloud. Depends on my mood.

2) Insert everyones current roster.

3) Add five bench spots to everyone's roster and ax the idea of a minor league system.

4) Cry for a little while.

5) If all of the scores are incorrect and/or results have been changed, I will go back and correct them.

I am currently keeping track of everyone's stats from tonight's games so that the score will be tomorrow as it should have been had ESPN been smart enough to have a Left Fielder. Wait, that was the Smurfs. Sorry. I mean if ESPN had a brain.

Sorry about ESPN being stupid. At least you get free Fantasy Insider and a free Premium Fantasy Football team from a web site that doesn't know how to operate correctly. That's a bonus.

BY the way, nice timing Kimball.

Ben Nielsen

PS E-mail, Facebook, IM, or call me if you have any questions, concerns or comments. Or leave a comment on the blog.

Scores through the Twilight Zone at 6:45 p.m.:

Smurfs LF

Tones *&^

Schilbies Pansy

Blackhawks suck
The Zou rugay?

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Evidence Against 300, Power Rankings, Statistical Mini-Breakdown, Ultimate Line-up, Other stuff...maybe


Documentation of Andrew Wessley’s Fantasy Baseball Team “300” link to steroids has leaked to local press.

Anonymous sources, who asked do remain unidentified because they feared for their lives, produced several documents directly linking Wessley and his team to local steroid dealers.

Wessley refused to comment and has fired his former publicist. A new spokesman for the team did release a statement.

“Oh God, we’re screwed,” said Dip Thong. “We did not think anybody would find this stuff. I don’t know what to say other than we’re [expletive].”

Though actual copies of the documents have yet to be distributed as local authorities sift through the evidence, a short excerpt was given of a recent Instant Message session involving Wessley and the drug dealer.

Wessley, disguised as the name “Chunkythunder372” had this conversation with the dealer:

Chunkythunder372 (11:58:08 PM): have the roids been sent to everyone?

ISELLSTEROIDS39(11:58:59 PM): yes. when do I get paid?

Chunkythunder372 (11:59:11 PM): as soon as I see the results.

ISELLSTEROIDS39 (11:59:49 PM): that wasn’t the deal! you said id get paid after the delivery!

Chunkythinder372 (12:00:13 AM): the deal has changed.


Chunkythunder372 (12:01:31 AM): shut up Roger Clemons you can’t do [expletive] to me.

Chunkythunder372 (12:01:58AM): i get results. you get paid. we didn’t have this conversation. im out. peace.

While Roger Clemons name was mentioned as the possible dealer, the media has determined there is no way that he did steroids because they didn’t see him do it. Just like Albert Pujols. And though they have not seen Barry Bonds take steroids, they don’t like him because he is black.

Jason Giambi, another individual who admitted to steroid use, said he no longer uses steroids because he is now gay. It is reported he and teammates Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter have had some pretty crazy nights.

However the 300 roster is much different. Journalists Jayson Blair, Jack Kelly, Nada Behziz, Rick Bragg, Lloyd Brown and Fox Butterfield have all testified that they witnessed DH/C Mike Piazza, C/1B Victor Martinez, LF Matt Holliday, RF Bobby Abreu and 3B Eric Chavez all use steroids. DH David Ortiz may have also used steroids, but as Blair said, “We may have accidentally turned our heads when he injected himself, we’re not sure.”

All of this leaves The League creator Ben Nielsen very upset.

“I thought I knew Andrew,” said Nielsen. “I thought I knew what he was about. Then I read those documents and heard what those journalists said. Now…I’m just very hurt.”

It is still uncertain what will happen to Wessley as punishment. A likely punishment will involve shoving a gerbil in Wessley’s ass through a tube and kicking him in the balls several times as requested by six of the seven The League owners.

The only person to not vote for one of those two options was Wessley, who was a pansy (sorry for the dis on your team Joel) and chose to be fined.

What he did not take into account was that the amount of the fine was not set. He should expect a large bill from Southwest Baptist University in the summer.

More information on Wessley’s cheating is expected over the coming weeks. As for now, the whole nation of Fantasy Baseball is cheering for the Smurfs and in deep mourning for the Blackhawks being had.


Last week’s results shook up the power rankings this week, resulting in a new number one.

1) Krunk Smurfs – Gay name. Good team. I’m not even mad, I’m impressed.

2) The Tones – No offense (only The Zou scored fewer offensive points) but INSANE pitching. Better hope none of your starters have off days.

3) Blackhawks – I feel cheated.

4) KC – Here only because you won and because your sister is hot.

5) Schilbies – *Sniff* *Sniff* … It smells like pansies in here.


7) The Zou – Will they break 100 this week? Stay tuned. Or, just, don’t pay attention.

8) 300 – CHEATER, CHEATER! Clap, Clap, ClapClapClap. CHEATER, CHEATER!


Top 3 Scoring Teams
Smurfs – 333 points
Tones – 313 points
Cheaters/BF/300 – 275.5* points

Bottom 3 Scoring Teams
The Zou - 74.5^ points
KIMBALL – 189.5 points
Schilbies/Pansies – 202.5 points

^ The computer gave varied results. Apparently, the system was not made to calculate scores that low.

Top 3 Best Days
Smurfs – 105 points on April 7
Tones – 92.5 on April 1
Cheaters/BF/300 – 86.5* on April 4

Top 3 Worst Days
The Zou – minus-15 on April 6
Schilbies/Pansies – minus-11 on April 8
Smurfs – minus-2.5 on April 5


Each week I will give you the “fantasy” line-up of the week of the players who did the best at their position over the course of the week. This consists of all players on every roster and on the free agent and waiver market. All of these points are through Saturday’s games.

C Brian McCann (Blackhawks) – 21 points
Back-up: Paul Lo Duca (KIMBALL) 18 points

1B Todd Helton (Tones) 26 points
Back-up: Mike Jacobs (FA) 23 points

2B Marcus Giles (300) 22 points
Back-up: Orlando Hudson (FA) 21 points

3B Miguel Cabrera (Schilbies) 42 points
Back-up: Alex Rodriguez (Smurfs) 34 points

SS Jose Reyes (300) 33 points
Back-up: Jimmy Rollins (Smurfs) 32 points

LF Adam Dunn (Tones) 30 points
Back-up: David DeJesus (KC), Josh Willingham (Smurfs) 18 points

CF Eric Byrnes (Schilbies) 35 points
Back-up: Carlos Beltran (Smurfs) 29 points

RF Vladimir Guerrero (KC) 43 points
Back-up: Bobby Abreu (300), Mark De Rosa (KC) 20 points

DH Frank Thomas (Smurfs) 21 points
Back-up: Travis Hafner (KC) 16 points

Starting Pitchers
1) Felix Hernandez (Tones) 54 points
2) Dontrelle Willis (Blackhawks) 53 points
3) John Lacky (Schilbies) 48 points
4) Roy Oswalt (300) 46 points
5) Ted Lily (KC), Dice-K (Tones) 45 points

Aaron Harang (Smurfs) 44 points, Jason Hirsh (FA) and Rich Hill (FA) 41 points

Relief Pitchers
1) Bobby Jenks (Blackhawks) 31 points
2) Solomon Torres (FA/300) 26 points

Bob Wickman (FA) 25 points, Mariano Rivera (Tones) 24 points

Starters Week and Season Totals
300 (4), Tones (3), Schilbies (3), Blackhawks (3), KC (2), Smurfs (1), FA (1)

Back-ups Week and Season Totals
FA (5), Smurfs (5), KC (3), 300 (1), Tones (1), KIMBALL (1)


Monday, April 9, 2007

300 Suspended for Steroid Use, Week One Review, Week Two Preview

Come on, like you didn't expect 300 to be on the Roids. For shame Andrew, for shame.

In a stunning turn of events, Andrew Wessley's Fantasy Baseball Team "300" has been suspended indefinately after the revelation of steroid use by the team's players.

"I'm in shock," The League creator Ben Nielsen said in a statement. "I am appalled that Mr. Wessley would allow such conduct to occur in his orgainization. I insure all that Mr. Wessley and his team will be punished to the fullest extent of The League rules and bylaws."

The information was revealed by an anonymous source who provided evidence that 300 fantasy players were on steroids and that team owner Wessley was aware of it.

Wessley denied reporters requests for interviews, but a publicist did make a statement.

"Yeah, he knew about it," said Wessley publicist Amy Grigby. "He's known about it from the begining. He's just pissed that he got caught."

The alagations come at a time where 300 just barely pulled of an upset of the #1 Blackhawks 275.5 - 232.5.

"I sucked this week," team leader Albert Pujols said. "I let the team down. I let the organization down. I let myself down. I let my family down. I let God down. Most importantly, I let the greatest man in the world down, Ben Nielsen. Suicide may be an option for me."

While official judgement has not yet passed, it can be assumed the win by 300 will be forfeited. News of this led Pujols to put a week long postponement on his suicide plans.

300 next sceduled opponent was sceduled to be the Krunk Smurfs, but it is unlikely Nielsen will allow them to compete.

"They cheated," Nielsen said. "I cannot allow for cheaters to be in this league. If 'he who will not be named' wants to cheat than he can go live a single life in his mother's basement. I...I just can't awknowledge his existence right now. I'm ashamed and embaressed I ever knew of the 'so called' man."

Week two will continue with or without 300. The Blackhawks have a bye this week...oh, excuse The Zou this week while KC takes on the Tones and the Schilbies take on Team KIMBALL.


300 verus the Blackhawks was the best match-up of the week. 300's steroid ladened victory gives them a 1-0 record while the Blackhawks fall to 0-1.

The key to the win for 300 (aside from the steroids) was Albert Pujols and Manny Ramirez extremely slow start. The two combined for a six-for-36 start (0 HRs, 2 RBI, 5 Ks, 2 runs, 2 XBH) going into play on Sunday. By that time, the game had, for all intensive purposes, been decided.

April 4 was the key day for 300, out-scoring the Blackhawks 86.5 to 46.5. Left Fielder Matt Holliday went four-for-five with a double, home run and four RBI's while scoring twice and catcher Victor Martinez added a four-for-four performance, walking twice and smacking a double. Shortstop Jose Reyes also added a double, home run and three RBIs to the mix. In total, the line up of 300 produced 30 points.

The pitching for 300 was the key to the big point day. Phillies starting pitcher Cole Hammels went off in his season debut, going seven shutout inning, striking out eight while walking one. Hammels earned 32.5 points dispite not earning the win. Huston Street pitched a solid inning in relief and Josh Beckett took the win in a 16.5 point performance.

Key's in Review - Opening Day: While 300 did not take a big lead on Opening Day, the 60-plus point outburst leveled off the Blackhawks biggest scoring day (59.5). Had any of the other 300 starting pitchers gone the way of Carlos Zambrano, the Blackhawks may have stole the win.

Picks to Not Suck - Albert Pujols and David Ortiz: Yeah, the both sucked.
Prediction - Blackhawks over 300: Stupid steroids.

Other Week One Games

Smurfs vs The Zou

Picks to Not Suck - Carl Crawford and Carlos Beltran: Crawford = mediocure, Beltran = Freaking Good (29 points second only to Eric Byrnes in CF)
Prediction - Smurfs over The Zou: Nailed it. Not even close. Thanks for helping me out Zou.


Picks to Not Suck - Guerrerro and Ryan Howard: Guerrerro = Definition of not sucking, Howard = definition of sucking
Prediction - KC over KIMBALL: Nailed it again. By the way KC, thanks for David Wright. I appriciate it.

Schilbies vs Tones

Picks to Not Suck - Robinson Cano and Ryan Zimmerman: Cano = traded, Zimmerman = not traded
Prediction - Tones over Schilbies: 3 for 4. Stupid 300 and steroids.


300 will need more steroids if they look to get past the red, er, blue hot Smurfs. The Smurfs posted a league leading 333 points last week including an 105 point day on April 7.

300 has the bats to keep up with the Smurfs. The Smurfs benefited from a monsterous performance from 3B Alex Rodriguez last week and 300 suffered from a slumping DH David Ortiz. Ortiz appeared to have broken out of his slump Sunday night. If AROD cools off and Ortiz heats up, the Line-ups for each team will be a push.

What will decide the matchup this week is pitching. 300 needs newly aquired Pirates closer Salomon Torres to remain steady and for the Pirates to continuing winning. The Pirates face St. Louis and San Francisco this week. Torres will need another week like last week to keep 300 in the race.

The Smurfs chances will rest on Boston starter Curt Schilling and Reds starter Aaron Harang. The growingly inconsistant Schilling needs to avoid a bad start and Harang needs to avoid a poor performance in Chicago too hold on to as many points as they can.

The team who loses the most points to poor starting pitching performances will lose this matchup.

W2W4: STARTING PITCHING! Didn't know if I'd made that point yet.
Picks to Not Suck: J.D. Drew, Smurfs and Andruw Jones
Prediction: Smurfs in a close one over 300


Tones vs KC

W2W4: New look KC trys to add points in an unconventional style. Will have a tough task verses Tone pitching.
Picks to Not Suck: Ichiro Suzuki, Tones and Derek Lee, KC
Prediction: Tones pitching over KC

Schilbies vs Team KIMBALL

W2W4: Will the Schilbies lose to, well, nobody? That would be embarrassing wouldn't it?
Picks to Not Suck: Ryan Howard, Kimball and Miguel Cabrera, Schilbies
Prediction: Schilbies over Kimball

Blackhawks vs The Zou

W2W4: Can the Zou break 100?
Picks to Not Suck: Mark Teahen, The Zou and David Wright, Blackhawks
Prediction: Blackhawks (hopefully) over The Zou

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Mid-Week Power Rankings, Royals Still Rule, Cardinals Get Lucky, Trade Reviews, Other Stuff Too...Wow, these headlines get kinda long don't they? Geez

I now know why AROD and Griffey wanted out of Seattle so badly...Or they were just afraid of the realization they were coming too. Either one works here. Also, my appoligies for not being able to come up with a witty "Buhner is gay" joke or something to that extent. And what is with the long caption to this picture anyway? On to the BLOG!

A miricle happened yesterday. No, The Zou did not break fifty points. The Cardinals actually won a baseball game. I assume it was on accident. Wake me up when they actually beat somebody good, like, say, the Tigers or the Red Sox or something to that caliber. 'Till then, I'll be watching the with amazement as Royals starter after Royals starter continues to do better than Chris Carpenter, Carlos Zambrano, Roy Oswalt, Aaron Harang, Ben Sheets and, oh, whoever it is who pitches for the Pirates. Ian Snell I guess????

Well, maybe not ALL of those guys. But for sure WAY better than Chris Carpenter. Way better. I guess Zambrano can almost equal Carpenter's crappiness. Just ask BF/300. But just almost.


There have been precisely THREE trades in the opening week of the season. This is not a bad number really. It is my duty to rip all three of these trades to shreds and tell you who was the "Winner" and who was the "Idiot" (Ha! you were expecting "loser" there weren't ya?). We will dissect these trades chronologically (You know, for a guy who wants to write for a living, I sure can't spell. I've already used the "Spell Check" five times. I suck.).

TRADE #1: BF/300 sends SS Edgar Renteria and CF Tori Hunter to the "I Need a New Name" Schilbies for LF Matt Holliday and 1B Kevin Youkilis

This trade was done out of necessity. Both BF/300 and , um, lets call them....the Pansies (for both the cheesy attempt at using his name in the team name and general, well, pansiness) failed to draft specific players for specific positions.

BF/300 is the obvious winner of this trade. I'd be surprised to see either Hunter or Renteria in the Pansies line-up come the end of the month. While Youkilis is going to have to be replaced at some point by BF/300, Holliday will put up huge numbers for him coming off the bench or in a starting role, using the thin air of Colorado to pad his stats.

Rule #1: Never trade a productive player from Colorado unless you are getting a high return for him or the franchise is temporarily moving their home games to Kansas for some inexplicable reason.

TRADE #2: Tones trade RF/LF Nick Markakis to the 2005 Royals (aka The Zou) for 3B Troy Glaus

This was a "depth" trade for the Tones. The trade gave the Tones a 3B to back up Ryan Zimmerman while defending NL batting champion Freddy Sanchez sits on the DL.

Markakis, honestly, does nothing for the 2003 Tigers (aka The Zou). The have more holes than, well, I can't think of anything that has more holes than the Zou. Man, The Zou sucks.

Winner: None.
Loser: None. Well, assuming you are not talking about how bad the Zou is , but that is a different subject.
Final Judgement: Push, with an edge to the Tones because of the depth issue.

TRADE #3: The Pansies send 2B Jeff Kent, 2B Robinson Cano and OF Maglio Ordonez to the Blackhawks for 2B Brian Roberts and SP Anibal Sanchez, Blackhawks release Curtis Granderson.

This trade is sort of goofy and has half of the Leagues second baseman in it. The Pansies upgrade the spot by putting the pre-season second-rated second baseman in his line-up and adds a decent backup pitcher to his rotation. He also gained a free roster spot in the trade.

The Blackhawks gain a better Fantasy RF to replace Ryan Freel and help clean up the chaos that is the Blackhawks' starting pitching rotation by taking a name out of the mix. They also gain options at what to do at second base and add trade pieces for possible, may near future, deals.

Overall, the Winner here has to be the Pansies because of the huge upgrade he made in his blackhole of an infield. It now seems to be stabilizing.

The future will tell if the Blackhawks were idiots in this trade. If the secondbase position remains stable and Ordonez proves to be more productive than Freel, than you cannot consider this a terrible trade. Maybe , at the most, a questionable one, but definitely not a terrible one.

Final Verdict: To be determined...


Rankings, and one thought per team:

1) Tones - If the pitching stays continues to be what it has been (through a whoping one start each) this team will be near unbeatable.

2) Smurfs/Blue Bats (SBU prevents me from using the word "Balls" here...) - Imagine how good they would be if they had a LEFT FIELDERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

3) Blackhawks - I...I...I just don't know what to say here. I suck.

4) KC - I will not make a joke about making out with his sister. I will not make a joke about making out with his sister. I will not make a joke about making out with his sister... So...umm...yeah...How's school goin'?...I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH YOUR SISTER! Crap. I suck at self-control. Good thing I'm not staying at his house this weekend. Wait......

5) Schilb/Panies - Dude, get a new name, you move up a spot or two. That's all I ask.


7) The Zou/Suckfest - At their worst, they are the 2003 Tigers. At their best, they are the 2005 Royals. This only furthers the stereotype that anybody associated with the University of Missouri has no idea how to run a program.

8) BF/300 - Don't wanna comment on the BLOG? Gonna try to beat me this week? Then this is where you end up Momma's Basement Boy.


If you haven't gotten the point yet, start paying attention...

Yes, awkward...

I don't know if I like this or MLB.TV...

Blue Springs Props...

Speaking of Buhner...

I don't know if I like this new change in the Bowling world, but what do I know?

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Losers, More Losers, Trades, Greinke vs Dice-K, Maine Problems and other worthless things

First things first: Cardinals suck.

Second things second: Everyone except for Jason Wiley, some guy named Zau and myself sucks.

It must be known that the comment total on this blog for people in this league and people outside of this league is even at one apiece. Sad. Extremely sad. Everyone of you falls into at least one of these catagories:

1. You are a crap Cardinals Fan: How much Cardinal bashing has gone on this site and NO Cardinals fan has come to the rescue of their beloved World Freakin' Champions? You guys are pethetic.

2. You are a pansy.

3. Your fantasy team sucks and you have no balls to defend it. You are also, more than likely, a Cardinals fan.

4. You are a really big pansy.

5. You are a tool.

6. You drafted Jose Reyes.

7. You drafted David Ortiz.

8. You drafted Carlos Zambrano.

9. If 6-8 apply to you, then 2 and 4 automatically apply to you and you are obviously going to be single, living in your mother's basement for the rest of your life.

10. You play ball like a girl.

But honestly, I'm not a negative person.


With the first week of competition half-way through, some players have come to the realization that their team sucks. Like The Zou for instance.

Others have figured out that they have a few holes to be filled, like the Schilbies entire starting line-up (Cheer up Schilb, you could be The Zou).

A few more just see a couple of things they need to fix to have a comfortable line-up and pitching staff heading into the meat of the season.

Here are a few Needs/Wants/Haves for each team and a possible trade:

The Tones are in the best position of any team in this League through the first spectacularly long three days. Dice-K's performance today will dictate what will and will not be available from his pitching staff. Until then, he has some great postion players to help upgrade his line-up and bullpen.
NEEDS: Bullpen help - Wainwright's not going to get too many chances this year and Lidge looks like he is done.
HAVES: Great line-up, Starting pitching and depth.

Final Thoughts: Assuming his line-up stays healthy, along with his pitching, the Tones are the team to beat.

The Butt Faces/300
The BF/300's are riding solid pitching to an early lead at the mid-way point of the week. Still, it is obvious where the holes are on this team. Expect Eric Chavez or someone else to be starting at third base really soon.

NEEDS: Third baseman and more relief pitching, like a closer on a team that is actually good. His middle infield spots, especially first base, could improve. His pitching is what is carying him right now.
WANTS: Third base and a life.
HAVES: Good outfield with depth, good catcher and starting pitching.

Final Thoughts: There is a rumor going around that BF/300 is shopping Jose Reyes for the right deal. Reyes was BF/300's first pick in the draft and the third pick overall, so he certainly demands high value. The right combo of players could do it for him. A combination of a third baseman, second baseman and a starting pitcher could land you a very good player.

The Smurfs are currently Smurfing the mother Smurfing Zou. The are pretty Smurfing good at several possitions, but are Smurfed at several others.

NEEDS: It is always a good thing to have all of your Smurfing positions filled. Jason, apparently, is Smurfed about this concept. LEFT FIELDERRRRRRRRR.
POSSIBLE TRADE: For a LEFT handed pitcher. JK. The Zou, for all the things it lacks, like a team, does have two exceptional left fielders in Carlos Lee and Carl Crawford. Nick Markakis can also play left field so trading both Lee and Crawford is a possiblity here. Expect a trade involving Lee for the likes of either Sheffield, J.D. Drew, and or Erik Bedard or Takahi Saito.

Final Thoughts: ............................................................................................................................................ GET A SMURFIN' LEFT FIELDER!

I really don't know what to say about this team. One reason is that I don't want to piss off the brother of the girl I want to make-out with sometime soon. Another is that this team could be dangerously good with the right trades.

NEEDS: Starting pitching. Lots of it. Second baseman.
WANTS: Get the image of me making out with his sister out of his head. And to punch me in the face. Oh, and a solid starting pitcher.
HAVES: Trading pieces galore. Rafael Furcal, Carlos Delgado, Derrek Lee, Orlando Caberera, Austin Kearns, Travis Hafner... All of these guys minus Derrek Lee and Hafner are on his bench...and its okay that they are. Good lord.
POSSIBLE TRADE: Delgado to 300 for Brett Meyers or Cole Hamels.

Finals Thoughts: Dude, this team is raw, but has VERY good potential. And I'm not saying that because I don't want to get punched in the face by the brother of the girl I want to make sweet, sweet out with. Err, something like that.

Five words sum up this team: The owner is an idiot.

NEEDS: Jesus.
WANTS: Help.
HAVES: Pujols, which is his problem.
POSSIBLE TRADES: My team for Tony's straight up.

Final Thoughts: Good-bye crule world.

Kimball now stands for "Vacant" or "Empty" or "Unoccupied" or "No One." Used in a sentence: "Kimball plays left field for the Smurfs."

NEEDS: An Owner.
WANTS: An Owner.
HAVES: A Roster.
POSSIBLE TRADES: Kimball for an Owner.

Final Thoughts: Jason, seriously, how do you NOT have a left fielder by now??????

The Purple Tellie Tubbies are on the lookout for infielders. Seriously, any infielder will sufice at this point.

NEEDS: A new name. Has Smurf disorder at DH. Kimball plays there.
WANTS: First base, second base, shortstop, DH, Closers
HAVES: Kimball at DH.
POSSIBLE TRADE: Verlander to KC for Lee or Hafner, Kent to KC for Rafael Furcal

Final Thoughts: Kimball at DH, huh? No wonder you are losing.

The Zou had a scoring outburst of biblical proportions yesterday, scoring 25.5 points to raise their total points to 32! However, the Smurfin' Left Fielderless Smurfs (good God Erik, you are loosing to a Smurf and a team without a Left Fielder! Its like Jason put a degree of difficulty on himself and he is still has nearly FOUR TIMES as many points as you do...I'm...I'm not even mad, I'm impressed) somehow weathered the storm and remain on top.

NEEDS: An act of God.
WANTS: An act of God.
HAVES: No acts of God.
POSSIBLE TRADES: Adrian Gonzalez to Schilbes for Barry Zito (don't look at the names, go with reality. Zito is tradable Joel, this would be good for both of you). Grady Sizemore to Tones for Ryan Zimmerman or Felix Hernandez.

Final Thoughts: So, Erik, what are you doing with the first pick of next year's draft?


The Royals lost the Red Sox last night 7-1 in a game that was 40 degrees colder than it was on Monday. Geez. Missouri weather sucks.

The Royals had trouble getting their bats warm. Contact was not too much of an issue, they just hit the ball right at people. I would have appriciated a two-run or three-run bomb from Manny, but he was too busy getting high in the Hot Tub below the Jumbo Tron in left in between at-bats.

The Royals will take on Dice-K tonight in what may be the best game of the month. Greinke will start for the Royals, which makes this game that much better. Seriously, I cannot imagine a better pitching match-up than this. Sure, Dice-K and Johan Santana would be nice, but Santana is not nearly as goofy as Greinke and his stuff is not nearly as wacky as Greinke's either. This is not to say Greinke's stuff is better than Santana's. It's just to say that Greinke has an entirley different approach on the mound that Santana, which makes Greinke's stuff that much more bizzare.

I wonder what a conversation between Greinke and Dice-K would be like?

The game is in the afternoon, 1:10, so skip class if you have to.


So, early yesterday, I decided I was going to pick up Maine to start against the Cardinals to try to close the gap between me and the Butt Faces. But I did not have an open starting postion so I dumped him.

Maine's line: 7 innings, one hit, 0 ERs, 2 BB, 6k's, QS, 33.5 Fantasy Points

Stupid Cardinals.


Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Cards suck, Royals win, Florida and The Zou May Break Zero Points by Week 17

Bonds: "So, they haven't caught you either?"
Pujols: "It's amazing what being nice to the media will do for you."

Let me begin this post by saying the following: Always save your work as you go.

With that said, the Cardinals suck.

The Cardinals lost again Tuesday night to the Mets 4-1. The Mets have now taken a 5-4 lead in the NLCS.

StL is now 0-2 and on pace to lose every game for all of eternity as a curse for winning the World Series when they shouldn't have. I think it is safe to say the Cardinals sold their soul to the devil last year. Isn't it obvious at this point?

Hey Joel, you don't have to worry about Carpenter losing you 30 points on Friday.


Enough about sucky teams, lets talk about the Royals! Alex Gordon went 5-5, hitting for the Home Run cycle, Ryan Shealy tripled four times and David DeJESUS stole nine bases en rout to a 70.5- minus 7 win over the Boston Red Sox Monday. Oh, wait, that was just the score to the Krunk Smurfs/The Zou Fantasy baseball match-up this week. My bad.

In real life, Gil Meche threw 7-plus innings of 1 run ball to give the Royals a 7-1 win. It was their best Opening Day win since 1979 according to Joe Posnanski.

I'm not going to lie, I debated crying at certain points of that game. Specifically when a ground ball was hit to the shortstop and I remembered there is no reason to panic anymore. Then there was Meche's standing ovation as he was taken out of the game and, this time, it was for a good reason. There was also the moment where I thought Gordon was going to go through the begining stages of whatever it is that eventually led Zack Greinke into his depression when Gordon came up to bat with the bases loaded with one out in the first inning. Oh, and I also almost cried when Peralta successfully went through one and two-thirds innings without giving up a run. A ROYALS RELIEF PITCHER ACTUALLY RELIEVED!

I feel decent about this team right now. How can I not? I mean, our starting rotation doesn't involve this guy, this guy, this guy, this guy, this guy, this guy or this guy. Heck, we might as well have this starting rotation.

You should check out what Curt Schilling had to say about his start in his blog.


Erik should have realize that when he named himself after the University of Missouri, there was no way he would ever win a championship. How many conference championships has MU won since the creation of the Big 12? The answer to that question is the same as name the number that is a factor of 7. Well, I guess in Erik's case, -7.

Don't worry though Erik, you have six months left to try to get back to zero. I set the over/under at week 17 as the week he gets back to zero.

Or you could try that "Edit Team Name" button on your Team Page. Might be a good idea.

Seriously, The Zou actually has 6.5 points so far, but its a shaky 6.5. What is keeping his head above water is a dominate performance from relief pitcher Jonathan Broxton who struck out the side in his one inning of work. That earned him 10.5 points and is the difference in Erik being in the Black instead of the Red.

Things are not looking to much more promising either. His starting pitcher look as such:

Dan Haren vs LAAAAAAA Angels
Matt Garza vs Chicago White Sox
Scott Olson vs Philadelphia Phillies
Jeremy Sowers vs Chicago White Sox
Derrek Lowe vs San Francisco Giants

His closers, Broxton (@ SF) and Joe Borowski (@ ChiW, SEA) do not look like they will get too many save opportunities either.

Hey, it's a good thing he didn't have Carpenter, Schilling or Zambrano.


Congrats to Florida for beating Ohio State (again) to take the NCAA Men's Basketball Championship (again) Monday night.

It has been said that they are in a dead heat with Ohio State for an Oscar. I wonder who will win...


I think Andrew got gypped on his MLB.TV thing...


So bad, so wrong, so want to do it...

Damn NFL...


Oh NHL...

Monday, April 2, 2007

Cardinals Lose, Opening Day, The Natural and other stuff

To your imidiate left would be a dead cardinal. This is a fitting image for the St. Louis Cardinals as they were steam rolled by the New York Metropolitans 6-1 last night.

Cardinal ace Chris Carpenter had a fabulous fantasy night for the Schilbies, going 6 innings giving up 9 hits, 5 runs while striking out 3 and walking one. Oh, he also got the loss. Good start for Schilby and Carpenter...y.

At any rate, the Royals are officially better than the Cardinals - having a supirior 0-0 record to StL's 0-1 clip. Psh, Cardinals suck.

StL has the day off before getting their butts kicked again by the Mets Tuesday night. Kip Wells is starting for the Cards, so this is a good sign for the owners of Jose Reyes, David Wright, Carlos Beltran, Carlos Delgado and Paul Lo Duca.


The REAL Opening Day is today and is headlined by the Royals/Red Sox game ... or something like that.

It has been anounced that Dotel will not be available to the Royals to close out the game due to a muscle strain. Not that we were going to need him anyway. The Royals have the HARDEST opening 30 game schedule according to Buster Olney, which is great for a young team coming off its fourth 100 loss season in 5 years.

At least we have Zack Greinke.

There are three big things to watch out for the Royals in April:

First is how the Royals will use Ross Gload. Gload finished in the Top 10 in bating average for American League players in Spring Training. Our own Erik Johnson is not too thrilled about Gload even being on the team. I see his point. But I figure that having someone to back up Shealy, who is playing his first full season in the big leagues, a reserve corner outfielder and a guy to fill in for Sweeney when he misses random streaches of 5-7 games before, ultimately, getting hurt for a full two months is good to have.

At any rate, it gives the Royals options, which is something we are not used too.

Next is putting the over/under on when Tony Pena Jr. legitimately becomes Angel Berroa the Second. I set it at 30 games. Pena can't hit. His fielding has been suddenly bad since joining the Royals in Spring Training and he is starting his first full season in the big leagues. It is also his first full time starting job in the bigs. Yep, we're screwed. The bright side is that he is not Berroa. Yet.

I would look for the Royals trading Sweeney by the deadline for a shortstop/shortstop prospect like Wood from Los Angeles. This, of course, assumes Sweeney is healthy and not doing interviews with kids because he can't move.

Finally, is Zack Greinke back? I think so. Thursday's match-up of Greinke versus Dice-K is going to be amazing. Its the Gyroball versus Greinke's Brain. Scarry. At bare minimum, it will be the most unconventional pitching match-up in recent memory.

If Greinke is back, the Royals rotation looks far less unstable and upgrades to "Shaky" at best. That, my friends, is a SIGNIFICANT (yes, all caps for that one) upgrade.

By the way, the last time the Red Sox were in KC, Boston was swept.


One thing that gets me going for the season is the movie The Natural. If you haven't seen it, rent it. Its a good movie. Andrew Wessley has debated making out with the movie's music composer John Williams. Its kinda weird, but Andrew is like that. Williams did the music for such movies as Jurrasic Park, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Braveheart and every other Steven Speilberg movie known to man.

Joe Posnanski recently did a blog on a scouting report for Roy Hobbs, the main character in the movie. Check out the guy who left a comment on the report. He came up with what Hobbs' stats might have been that season. Its crazy and makes me feel less nerdy.

I like the movie mostly for that one song that is played when Hobbs hits home runs. It gets you going. But not in the kind of way it gets Andrew going.


It should be noted once again that the Cardinals lost and suck.

Football is getting too crazy.

Be thankful for your parents...

Why the Royals have sucked.

Get to know this guy.

With that said...

Sunday, April 1, 2007

The Draft, Rankings, Week One and other crazy worthless information

This is the official blog of The League.

All are enouraged to comment and post on this site. To post, e-mail the text, links to pics and websites to Ben at

Now, important stuff.

Draft Rankings/Power Rankings

Don't know if you noticed or not, but we had a draft on Saturday. Here are the Offical Rankings and comments on the draft.

1 Ben Nielsen (Blackhawks)
Fewest holes of the 8 teams. Weakest position is right field. Puts a lot of weight on young
pitchers continuing success. Great keeper prospects. Would be outright number one with
a dominating ace.
Best Pick: Garrett Atkins
Worst Pick: Mike Mussina
Sleeper: Barry Bonds, Ian Snell and Curtis Granderson
Best Trade Prospect: Barry Bonds

2 Jason Wiley (Smurfs)
Would be number one if his catching, left field and back-end pitching rotation were not so
questionable with injuries and lack of fantasy production. Has an overall solid line-up. Top
two pitchers are the second best fantasy tandum behind Tony. Amazing bullpen.
Best Pick: Joe Nathan and Rickie Weeks
Worst Pick: J.D. Drew and Aaron Harang
Sleeper: Alex Rios
Best Trade Prospect: Gary Sheffield and

3 Tony Allen (Tones)
Would be ranked higher if the C, 2B and CF positions were not lacking so much. Good
pitching all around minus Wainwright and Millwood. Great depth. Good keeper possiblities.
Best Pick: Ryan Zimmerman and Dave Bush
Worst Pick: Ian Kinsler and Kevin Millwood
Sleeper: Nick Markakis
Best Trade Prospect: Adam Dunn and Freddie Sanchez

4 Andrew Wessley (300)
Great depth. Good keeper possibilities. Lacks the strong, heavey ladened line-up and
has too many pitchers that have questions about their health.
Best Pick: Matt Holliday (via trade) and Cole Hamels
Worst Pick: Dan Uggla and Nick Swisher
Sleeper: Billy Butler and Cole Hamels
Best Trade Prospect: Jermaine Dye

5 Joel Schilb (Schilbies)
Solid infield and a good bench. Great keeper potential. Bad pitching rotation and closers.
Best Pick: Jose Lopez
Worst Pick: Jason Isringhousen
Sleeper: Mark Teahan and Eric Byrnes
Best Trade Prospect: Magglio Ordonez and Scott Rolen

6 Casey Allen (KC)
Too many holes to be any higher. Has decent potential to improve and has good trade
Best Pick: Vladmire Guerrero
Worst Pick: Jacque Jones
Sleeper: David DeJesus
Best Trade Prospect(s): Roger Clemens, Derrek Lee, Travis Hafner

7 Erik Johnson (The Zou)
Would be a great AAA Team. Too bad this is a Major League Fantasy Baseball League.
Guess Erik missed the memo.
Best Pick: Carl Crawford
Worst Pick: Estaban German and Tim Hudson
Sleeper: Howie Kendrick
Best Trade Prospect: Carlos Lee

8 Jeff Kimball (KIMBALL)
Kimball wins the "Most Likely to Actually Show Up at the Draft Next Year" Award after
seeing what his roster looks like.
Best Pick: Chase Utley
Worst Pick: N/A
Sleeper: Jhonny Peralta
Best Trade Prospect: Ryan Howard

Week One

Week one features some great match-ups including Power Rankings #1 Blackhawks verses #3 300.

300 will need shortstop Jose Reyes and designated hitter David Ortiz to step up this week. Most of 300's line-up is faceing good pitching with the exception of Ortiz and Reyes who are facing Kansas City and St. Louis respectively.

The Blackhawks will lean on second baseman Brian Roberts and right fielder Ryan Freel. If those two perform, then it will be very difficult for 300 to match the Blackhawks offensively.

What to watch for: Opening day, 300 will start 4 pitchers to the Blackhawks 1. A big day from those 4 pitchers could give 300 the momentum they need for the win.

Picks to Not Suck: Albert Pujols -Blackhawks, David Ortiz - 300

Prediction: Blackhawks over 300


Smurfs vs The Zou
W2W4: Smurfs back-end pitching need to step up to fend off young Zou line-up.
Picks to Not Suck: Carl Crawford - Zou, Carlos Beltran - Smurfs
Prediction: Smurfs over Zou

W2W4: Both teams catchers could be sleepers this year.
Picks to Not Suck: Vlad Guererro - KC, Ryan Howard - KIMBALL
Prediction: KC dominates KIMBALL

Schilbies vs Tones
W2W4: Second best match-up of the week will be determined by the pitching battle.
Picks to Not Suck: Robinson Cano - Schilbies, Ryan Zimmerman - Tones
Prediction: Tones defeat Schilbies