Friday, April 25, 2008

Friday Power Rankings

While doing skimming around the internet looking up NFL draft stuff, I stumbled on the top five picks of the 1989 NFL Draft. They are as follows:

1. Troy Aikman
2. Tony Mandarich
3. Barry Sanders
4. Derrick Thomas
5. Deion Sanders

Holy crap! That is a total of two Hall of Famers, two future Hall of Famers, 33 Pro-Bowls, 25 All-Pro Teams, 5 Superbowls, an MVP (only one MVP?), two rookie of the year awards, three player of the year awards, a .533 career batting average in the World Series, one deadly car wreck, one primetime, a 2000 yard rushing season, a seven sack game and two TV analysts.

And that’s not even including Tony Mandarich! Although his only contribution is a steroids accusation, a label of “Best Offensive Lineman Prospect Ever” from Sports Illustrated and the label of “The guy drafted between Troy Aikman and Barry Sanders. Wow. What top five picks in a draft.

Other guys of note who were drafted in the first round were Eric Metcalf (13), Steve Atwater (20) and Andre Rison (22). Other fun names include Don Beebe (3 – 26), Ray Crockett (4 – 2), Dave Meggett (5 – 20), Rodney Peete (6 – 2), Pete Stoyanovich (8 – 8) and Mark Schlereth (10 – 12).


Friday Power Rankings

Ten Most Likely NFL Teams Who Will Screw Up Their Draft This Weekend

10) Saints
I think there is soon going to be articles and columns on the “Curse of Bush”. This will easily go along the lines of George Bush’s failure to get aide to the people of New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina and Reggie Bush’s failure to be the most unstoppable weapon in football history. Add on to the fact that Reggie should have never been there in the first place. The Saints do not draft particularly well on the defensive side which shows badly. With the tenth pick in the draft, they should draft a linebacker or interior lineman. My guess is that they won’t, hence their appearance on the list.

9) Falcons
This is kind of unfair given the shambles this team is in. My fear for them is that they fall into the “we must have all quality people” trap. So, instead of going with a guy like McFadden or Dorsey, which would be the right picks for them in my opinion, they will go with Matt Ryan. Ryan is not the guy for that team because he does not appear to be the “put the world on my back and lead it out of hell” kind of quarterback. He seems to be the guy you plug into a system and he maximizes what he has around him. In other words, Atlanta needs a Tony Romo and not a Derrek Anderson.

8) Jets
The Jets should draft Matt Ryan. I think he is a perfect fit for them. Instead, they will go with a defensive player who specializes in stopping the run. Not that stopping the run is not a need for the Jets, but a QB who doesn’t run around like a chicken with his head cut off seems to be more important to me. Kellen Clemons was so bad, he made Brodie Croyle look respectable.

7) Broncos
I don’t know if anyone has noticed lately, but the last few years of Bronco drafts have sucked terribly. All their good picks have either been traded (Portis) or killed (Williams).

6) Cowboys
With Parcells out in Dallas and Jerry Jones back in charge, insanity is sure to ensue. I still see them trading up to get McFadden or Rashard Mendenhall.

5) Lions
Lions equals Malcom Kelly. You just wait and see.

4) Bears
The Bears really seem in disarray right now. Urlacher “wants” to retire. Everyone wants pay raises. Lance Briggs is gone. The Bears seem ripe for a terrible draft.

3) Raiders
They are the Raiders, what else is there to say?

Speaking of the Raiders, imagine if in 2006 the Oakland took Matt Leinart or Jay Cutler instead of Michael Huff? That would have left them open to take Calvin Johnson number one overall last year and open to take Darren McFadden this year. Wow. Now they’re stuck with Tubby Russell and no offense to go with their really good secondary at not so good front seven. Oh well, live and learn.

2) Chiefs
I discussed this Tuesday, but I feel the Chiefs are in a no win situation this weekend. Carl Peterson has no business running this draft – a draft that is supposedly the most important draft in franchise history. I have complete faith the Chiefs will bomb this draft. This is guaranteed if they take Brandon Albert with the fifth overall pick.

1) Bengals
I believe everything Chad Johnson tells me and Chad is telling me the Bengals suck. So I am inclined to agree.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Opinion Tuesday - The NFL Draft

Reminder: If you want to participate in “Opinion Tuesday,” e-mail your novel/research paper/essay/series of paragraphs/paragraph/sentence to me at or


With the NFL Draft (or, as I am now calling it, “Example 93,234,234,234.3B Carl Peterson Should Have Been Fired”) forcing itself upon us Saturday, I thought I’d bore myself and other by giving my thoughts as it relates to the Chiefs.

Here are the reasons why the Chiefs are totally screwed on Saturday and Sunday:

ONE. Carl Peterson is the General Manager of the Chiefs.
TWO. The Chiefs need at least five starters from this draft.
THREE. Carl Peterson has never had a draft that produced five weekly starters.
FOUR. The Chiefs need to evaluate talent better than anyone else in the draft.
FIVE. Carl Peterson is a terrible talent evaluator.
SIX. The Chiefs need three starting offensive lineman to protect their “franchise” quarterback.
SEVEN. Carl Peterson is the General Manager of the Chiefs.
EIGHT. Herm Edwards is the head coach of the Chiefs.
NINE. There is no clear “top tier” players in this draft.
TEN. The Chiefs have the fifth pick in a draft without a clear “top tier” set of players.
ELEVEN. The Chiefs are trading their best defensive player for two draft picks.
TWELVE. Carl Peterson has a history of poor drafts.
THIRTEEN. The Chiefs do not have a clear starting quarterback.
FOURTEEN. The Chiefs do not know how healthy Larry Johnson is going to be.
FIFTEEN. The Chiefs have two starting caliber offensive linemen.
SIXTEEN. The Chiefs have one starting caliber wide receiver.
SEVENTEEN. The Chiefs have no back up tight end.
EIGHTEEN. The Chiefs will have a need at defensive end if Allen is traded.
NINETEEN. The Chiefs have a large need at defensive tackle.
TWENTY. The Chiefs do not have one starting cornerback.
TWENTY-ONE. The Chiefs lack a middle linebacker.
TWENTY-TWO. Donnie Edwards is 4746 years old in NFL years.
TWENTY-THREE. Bernard Pollard is a linebacker that can’t tackle consistently and cannot cover who plays safety.
TWENTY-FOUR. The Chiefs do not have a kicker.
TWENTY-FIVE. The Chiefs are in a division with a number one overall, fourth overall and eleventh overall drafted quarterback. Brodie Croyle was twenty-first overall… in the third round.
TWENTY-SIX. The Chiefs are in a conference with nine Super Bowl contending teams.
TWENTY-SEVEN. Carl Peterson is the General Manager of the Chiefs.
TWENTY-EIGHT. Tom Brady is not the quarterback of the Chiefs.

Herm Edwards said in his press conference Sunday that the Chiefs need to produce at least five starters from this weekend’s draft. As of now, all of the Chiefs additional picks are in the fifth, sixth and seventh rounds. If the Chiefs trade Allen, it is likely they will only add one pick to this year’s draft (a first round pick) with a conditional pick in 2009. Whatever happens, this means the Chiefs must hit in rounds two and three. Here are the last 20 years of second and third round picks for the Kansas City Chiefs:

2007: Turk McBride (2), Tank Tyler (3)
2006: Bernard Pollard (2), Brodie Croyle (3)
2005: Dustin Colquitt (3)
2004: Junior Siavii (2), Kris Wilson (2), Keyaron Fox (3)
2003: Kawika Mitchell (2), Julian Battle (3)
2002: Eddie Freeman (2)
2001: Eric Downing (3), Marvin Minnis (3)
2000: William Bartee (2), Greg Wesley (3)
1999: Mike Cloud (2), Gary Stills (3), Larry Atkins (3)
1998: Rashaan Shehee (3)
1997: Kevin Lockett (2)
1996: Reggie Tongue (2), John Browning (3)
1995: Tamarick Vanover (3), Troy Dumas (3)
1994: Donnell Bennett (2), Lake Dawson (3), Chris Penn (3)
1993: Will Shields (3)
1992: Matt Blundin (2)
1991: Joe Valerio (2), Tim Barnett (3)
1990: Tim Grunhard (2)
1989: Mike Elkins (2), Naz Worthern (3)
1988: Kevin Porter (3)

Let’s compare that AWESOME list of players to what the San Diego Chargers have done since 2001:

2001: Drew Brees (2), Tay Cody (3)
2002: Toniu Fonoti (2), Reche Caldwell (2), Ben Leber (3)
2003: Drayton Florence (2), Terrance Kiel (2), Courtney Van Buren (3)
2004: Igor Olshansky (2), Nate Kaeding (3), Nick Hardwick (3)
2005: Vincent Jackson (2)
2006: Marcus McNeill (2), Charlie Whitehurst (3)
2007: Eric Weddle (2), Anthony Waters (3)

Neat. You can go ahead and argue that Croyle and Pollard are both starters and they were second and third round picks. But at this point, would you rather have Marcus McNeill, a pro-bowl left tackle, or Bernard Pollard, a guy who’s blocked a few punts, made some big hits, missed tackles and blows coverages? Would you rather have Croyle or Drew Brees? Nate Kaeding or Julian Battle? Junior Siavii or Igor Olshansky? Drayton Florence or Kawika Mitchell? There is a reason why San Diego is good and the Chiefs are not.

Carl Peterson is going to have to hit on picks he has never hit on before, hit in the first and fourth rounds and then hope he finds a diamond in the rough in rounds five through seven. Good luck with that.

Trading Jared Allen is a bad idea for the Chiefs. It isn’t a terrible idea, but it is a bad one. How long has it taken us to find a legitement pass rusher since Derrick Thomas? Now we have one and we don’t want to pay for him and keep him through his prime? How does that make sense? Are we really banking on Carl Peterson hitting on BOTH first round picks (which is what he HAS to do) and then find a suitable replacement either in the draft, someone already on the roster or in free agency? And what a waste it would be if we spent our first round pick on a defensive end. Then you’re basically trading a proven defensive end for an unproven defensive end. That makes little sense. Trading Allen is only going to make the rebuilding process of the Chiefs even more difficult.

If they keep Allen (who is just now turning 26) and take three years to rebuild, they would, in theory, have a good team with a Jared Allen in his prime. Trading Allen eliminates a key building block in the rebuilding process.

The only way this trade is successful, to me, is if they are able to trade out of their fifth overall pick (which isn’t looking good at the moment). For the sake of making this blog post longer, lets say they trade the pick to Dallas for one of their first round picks, a third round and a conditional pick next year. Here is what the Chiefs should do with those picks:

1st Round (17 – From Minnesota): Mike Jenkins CB
1st Round (22 – From Dallas via Cleveland): Aqib Talib CB/KR
2nd Round (35): Carl Nicks OT
3rd Round (66): Mike Pollak C/G
3rd Round (92 – From Dallas): Jordy Nelson WR
4th Round (105): John Sullivan C
5th Round (136 – From Miami): Martin Rucker TE
5th Round (140): Trevor Scott DE
6th Round (170): Carlton Powell DE/DT
6th Round (187 – From Tampa Bay): Chauncey Washington RB
7th Round (210): Taylor Mehlhaff K
7th Round (239 – New York Giants): Rocky Schwartz DB

Here are my thoughts on this: A tandem of Jenkins and Talib would solve the cornerback position for a long time. Both are playmakers with ball skills and speed. Jenkins is more refined than Talib and has a sub-4.4 40 time while Talib is far more physical and has better size. Carl Nicks is a first round draft pick in any other draft, but the tackle position is deep this year. He played in a pro-style offense at Nebraska, benched 225 pounds 31 times, has good size and could play guard if tackle doesn’t work out for him. Mike Pollak has been tabbed as the second best interior lineman in the draft. Jordy Nelson has the speed to play on the other side of Bowe. John Sullivan is a smart center for Notre Dame. We all know Martin Rucker. Trevor Scott (6-5, 256) is a pass rushing specialist who runs a 4.54-40 and has a good “motor”. Carlton Powell is a pass-rushing defensive tackle who happens to weigh 300 pounds. Chauncey Washington is problem child from USC who rarely saw the field. Washington has a 4.45-40 time at 215 pounds. Taylor Mehlhaff is supposedly the best kicker in the draft. Who knows. Rocky Schwartz? I know nothing about him other than his name is Rocky! How is that not good?

Something else to consider here is trading Jared Allen to Philadelphia for Lito Shepherd and their first round pick. I think I’d like that better than trading him to Minnesota.

I have a terrible feeling about this draft. What scares me more is that feeling is getting progressively worse. That is not a good sign.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Preview Monday

Using 2007 Stats
*= would have led the Royals in that category in 2007
Category Bonds Thomas Royals
HR 28* 26* 18 (Buck)
RBI 66* 95* 62 (Brown)
BB 132* 81* 64 (DeJesus)
Runs 75 63 101 (DeJesus)*
BA .276 .277 .302 (Grudzielanek)*
OBP .480* .377* .353 (Teahen)
SLG .565* .480* .411 (Gordon)
OPS 1.045* .857* .763 (Teahen)

Bonds would have led six of the eight major offensive categories last season in only 340 at-bats. He would have finish third in runs scored (Teahen, 78).

Bonds OPS+ = 170
Thomas OPS+ = 125
Royals OPS+ Leader = Mark Teahen – 98 (Billy Butler had a 105 OPS+, but did not have enough Abs)
Team OPS+ = 85

Bonds RC = 99
Thomas = 99
Royals RC Leader = DeJesus (84)

Proposed Royals Lineup with either Bonds or Thomas:
DeJesus (or Gathright) – Both would be productive leadoff men.
Grudzielanek – Would switch places with Teahen if we signed Thomas.
Bonds or Thomas
Butler – Would finally have less pressure to be the only run producer on the team.
Guillen – Historically, Guillen struggles in April.
Gordon – This is a good spot for him at this point in his career.
Teahen – Less pressure to hit home runs will mean more production from Teahen.
Collaspo – Needs to be starting over Pena at this point.
Buck – This is where Buck would bat on any other team in the bigs.


Springfield KC vs. Clemens’ Roid Needles

Player of the Week: Pat Burrell (Ride ‘em while he’s hot Kyle)
Underachiever of the Week: Miguel Cabrera (What a terrible keeper choice…)
Projected Score: 303.5 - 274


Casey, I’m having trouble figuring out what I think about your team. So, until I figure it out, I’ll just assume you’ll win. I also say that because I don’t like Kyle right now and I want you to beat him.

Hancock’s Halos vs. Rolorado Cockies

Player of the Week: Javier Vazuez
Underachiever of the Week: C.C. Sabathia and Justin Verlander
Projected Score: 417 – 196.5


Another bad week for Sabathia and Verlander and Andrew notches another embarrassing loss.

Blue Springs Inoculators vs. Springfield Rasmus’

Player of the Week: Gil Meche
Underachiever of the Week: The entire Inoculators team.
Projected Score: 328.5 - 0


I have a terrible feeling about this week if you haven’t noticed.

Krunk Smurfs vs. Boom Goes the Dynamite

Player of the Week: Stephen Drew
Underachiever of the Week: Alex Rodriguez
Projected Score: 276 - 239


I just want Jason to lose.

The Zou vs. Polk County Phantom Menaces

Player of the Week: Troy Tulowitzki
Underachiever of the Week: Howie Kendrick (‘cause he’s on the DL)
Projected Score: 356 - 321


Erik, I noticed you don’t have a second baseman. How would you like to trade for Placido Polanco? You know you want to.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Preview Monday

Before we get to this week’s preview and predictions, here is a quick look at last week:

Phantom Menaces vs. KC

Player of the Week: Manny Ramirez (Chase Utley and Carlos Zambrano)
Underachiever of the Week: Jonathan Papelbon (KC’s entire team)
Projected Score: 326.5 – 276.5 (Actual score: 407.5 – 236)

Manny Ramirez will hit three home runs and drive in 11 in the first week of what will be a huge season for the player who finds himself in a contract year. Result: Not so much. One homer and six RBI.

Unfortunately, Ramirez’ Red Sox will start the season under .500 due to two blown saves by young closer Jonathan Papelbon. Result: Papelbon was 2-for-2 on save opps.

KC will take advantage of this by getting solid weeks from Vladimir Guerrero and Travis Hafner to win the week. Result: Both were below average.

KC over Phantom Menaces. Result: Not so much.

Smurfs vs. The Zou

Player of the Week: Alex Rodriguez (Alex Rios’ 45 points and Howie Kendrick’s 43 was better.)
Underachiever of the Week: Ryan Braun (29 points ain’t too bad. Jerk.)
Projected Score: 378.5 – 76 (Actual Score: 293.5 – 279)

Alex Rodriguez pretends as if the baseball was Jose Conseco’s head and pounds out four opening week home runs. Push.

While AROD is running the bases, Ryan Braun suddenly remembers that his rookie season was entirely insane and decides to make up for it by going 1 for 17 with eight strikeouts. Swing and a miss by me…

Add the DL stints for Gallardo and Smoltz will turn deadly as Oswalt, Lincecum and Hamels will each suffer terrible Opening Week outings. Oswalt = -32, Lincecum = 15, Hamels = 14. Nailed it!

Smurfs over Zou. Nailed it!

Player of the Week: Hideki Matsui
Underachiever of the Week: Fausto Carmona (Oops.)
Projected Score: 341 – 297.5

Fresh off his marriage to an Anima character of a reputable employee, Matsui joins AROD to bash out three homers and three doubles in addition to winning another bet with Derrek Jeter and Bobby Abreu. He was good (2 HR, .350 BA), but not THAT good.

Life will not be so great for Fausto Carmona when he realizes that he is not nearly as good as he was last season. Oops.

CRN over BGD. Nailed it!

Cockies vs. Rasmi
Player of the Week: N/A
Underachiever of the Week: Matt Holliday (4-for-22 equals a… Nailed it!)
Projected Score: -13.5 – (-13.5)

This matchup is terrible; I refuse to make a legitement prediction. The matchup ends in a tie.

Halo’s vs. Inoculators
Player of the Week: Prince Fielder (8-for-22 is not bad. Would like more power though.)
Underachiever of the Week: Bobby Abreu (Wasn’t bad, but wasn’t good. I rule “push”)
Projected Score: 386 – 312 (Not too far off…I’d tell you the actual score, but ESPN is down…again.)

Dismayed that he lost the bet between Jeter, Matsui and himself, Abreu begins the season in a slump worse than the one he had last season. Eh.

Halo’s over Inoculators. I won one! I won one!


Smurfs vs. Cockies

Player of the Week: Josh Beckett
Underachiever of the Week: Daisuke Matsuzaka
Projected Score: 317.5 – 306

This is the week Dice-K comes back to earth. It is also the week Josh Beckett shakes off the rust and throws a nice game for the Cockies. Unfortunately for the Cockies, the rest of his pitching staff sucks and will cost him yet another game.

Smurfs over Cockies.

Rasmi vs. KC

Player of the Week: Vladimir Guerrero
Underachiever of the Week: Johan Santana
Projected Score: 386 – 213.5

Vlad is ready to wake up from his offseason slumber with a big week. At the same time, the lights are going to start getting brighter and hotter for Johan. With all the pressure on him to carry the pitching staff in a major market (not lowly Minnesota), Santana will hick-up for the first time this season.

KC over Rasmi.

Phantom Menaces vs. CRN

Player of the Week: Chase Utley
Underachiever of the Week: Ben Sheets and Brad Penny
Projected Score: 346 – 296

Kyle won’t be braggin’ about his pitching staff after this week. Sheets and Penny will get hit hard as Chase Utley continues his hot hitting.

PM over CRN.

Halos vs. BGD

Player of the Week: Dan Haren
Underachiever of the Week: Halo Pitching Staff
Projected Score: 319.5 – 226.5

Dan Haren can expect far more success than the likes of Verlander, Sabathia, Snell and “the other guy who I’ve never heard of” this week.

Halos over BGD.

Inoculators vs. Zou

Player of the Week: Andrew Miller
Underachiever of the Week: Hunter Pence
Projected Score: 5 million to negative 5 million

I hate Erik.

Inoculators over Zou.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Friday Power Rankings

Friday Power Rankings will be a feature where I rank random things that may have nothing to do with fantasy baseball or sports in general. Basically, it will show you how much time I have on my hands and how lazy I felt at the time. This week is my serious try at ranking all 10 fantasy teams based only on pitching staffs.

Here are the criteria that I used: 99% personal biased opinion, 1% can I find a way to piss someone off by ranking them lower by irrationally pounding on a guy. Actually, you should probably reverse those percentages.

10 – Joel
Guy I Like: J.J. Putz – He’s going to get a lot of save opportunities and he’ll convert most of them.
Guy I Dislike: Jeremy Guthrie – He’ll get little support for a terrible team.
Guy Who Could Surprise: Barry Zito – It would surprise me if he had a good season.
Guy Who I’d Like to Have a Beer With: Pedro Martinez – He may bring Lil’ Pedro with him!

9 – Kimball
Guy I Like: Carlos Zambrano – With the contract talks behind him, he’ll have a more consistent season.
Guy I Dislike: Cliff Lee – I dislike him mostly because he sucks now.
Guy Who Could Surprise: Cliff Lee – I recognize it is possible he may decide not to suck anymore.
Guy Who I’d Like to Have a Beer With: Jered Weaver – It’d be fun to make fun of his brother for sucking.

8 – Kyle
Guy I Like: Brad Penny – He’s so freaking good.
Guy I Dislike: Fausto Carmona – There is no way he duplicates what he did last season.
Guy Who Could Surprise: Ben Sheets – It would surprise me if he made it all season without getting hurt.
Guy Who I’d Like to Have a Beer With: Brian Bannister – Anything he said would blow my mind.

7 – Adam
Guy I Like: Chris Young – Because he plays in Petco or whatever SD’s park name is now.
Guy I Dislike: Tom Glavine – He’s done.
Guy Who Could Surprise: Derek Lowe – It would surprise me if he were good this season.
Guy Who I’d Like to Have a Beer With: Todd Jones – He looks like he could win a lot of bar fights.

6 – Erik
Guy I Like: Roy Oswalt – He may be the best pitcher in the game (Yeah, I just wrote that!).
Guy I Dislike: Cole Hamels – He will go on the DL at least twice this season.
Guy Who Could Surprise: Jeremy Bonderman – Seriously, he’s not that good.
Guy Who I’d Like to Have a Beer With: Boof Bonser – The dude’s name is “Boof”… come on!

5 – Andrew
Guy I Like: Jon Lester – He beat cancer, how can you not like him?
Guy I Dislike: C.C. Sabathia and Justin Verlander – Neither will have the seasons they did last year.
Guy Who Could Surprise: Kelvim Escobar – Hey, he could heal quickly… (Nice 10th round pick!)
Guy Who Could Surprise Part II: Edinson Volquez – “Who are you and what are you doing here?”
Guy Who I’d Like to Have a Beer With: N/A

4 – Tony
Guy I Like: Johan Santana – Second best pitcher in the game.
Guy I Dislike: Adam Wainwright – For all the obvious reasons… and he’s a Cardinal.
Guy Who Could Surprise: Nate Robertson – It would surprise me if he didn’t suck this season.
Guy Who I’d Like to Have a Beer With: Santana – So I can thank him for leaving the AL Central.

3 – Casey
Guy I Like: Brandon Webb – Active most under-rated Cy Young Award winner.
Guy I Dislike: N/A
Guy Who Could Surprise: Kevin Correia – Because I have no idea who he is.
Guy Who I’d Like to Have a Beer With: Zack Greinke – Words can’t describe why.

2 – Jason
Guy I Like: Chien-Ming Wang – His last name is “Wang”… hehe…
Guy I Dislike: Aaron Harang, Erik Bedard, Jeff Francis, Johnny Cueto – Personal reasons.
Guy Who Could Surprise: A.J. Burnett – It’s possible he could stop walking people… doubtful.
Guy Who I’d Like to Have a Beer With: Harang – So I could break his arm.

1 – Ben
I’m number one! I’m number one!

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Opinion Tuesday (and mostly everyone else too)

It is my hope and dream that one day everyone has something published on a Tuesday sometime this season. You can write about anything: baseball, fantasy baseball, football, politics, how retarded SBU is, the insanity of gas prices, Family Guy, LOST, HEROES, the new Batman movie, how bad SportsCenter is now, how much you hate Jason, how much you hate Joel and Adam’s team names, why everyone should vote for Obama, why XBOX 360 is better than the PS3, the virtues of MVP ’05, when is Madden franchise going to be good again, how stupid you think I am for writing blog posts about a fantasy baseball league, how much you dislike George W. Bush*, why the Royals are better than the Cardinals this season, Dr. Pepper, Buffalo Wild Wings, crazy Packers fans at Buffalo Wild Wings that drink Dr. Pepper, the writings of Bill Simmons, The Daily Show, why women are idiots, the economy, KU/mu, how crappy Dell computers are, CNN, HOUSE, Jessica Alba, Taco Bell, the Dictionary, Harry Potter, Facebook and other things you may think about.

This week’s Tuesday opinion is about why I’m going to beat the crap out of all of you guys in fantasy baseball this season.

First, I have no intention of starting the season 0-5 again. I’m confident about this because I am willing to alter the scores in my favor if necessary to make sure it doesn’t happen.

Second, the division I’m in sucks. Erik has half of his team in the minor leagues. Most of Tony’s team plays for the Cardinals. Kimball will be too busy watching the Simpsons to realize his best players are on the DL. I am going to rig Jason’s team to be sure he never wins a game because I hate him so much.

Third, I didn’t have to draft for half the league this season, which means my draft won’t be nearly as bad as it was last year (I hope).

Fourth, Erik used up all of his luck last year and will not repeat as champion this year.

Fifth, Kansas didn’t lose to Davidson. This has nothing to do with why I am going to win the league, but I just wanted to mention that KU finally didn’t choke against an inferior team in a big game. And Mizzou sucks. You can have your 36-28, loss in the Big XII Championship game, Cotton Bowl win and CBI snub and I’ll take my Final Four and BCS bowl win.

Sixth, I intend to trade all my crappy players for all of Andrew’s best players in May.

Finally, I control all of the trophies and can, therefore, declare myself champion if necessary.

Terrible luck to all of you losers.

*For as much as I dislike George Bush as a President, he really is the kind of guy you would want to have a beer (or some other Baptist approved drink) with. Listening to him talk to Joe Morgan and whoever the fat white dude is on ESPN Sunday during the Braves/National games was rather refreshing. He was cracking jokes and seemed like the kind of guy you would want to hang out with. I’m sure he’s got some crazy stories (besides the one’s where breaks a whole bunch of international laws and assassinates another country’s leader, but that is not the point). He even make it sound like he was going to the Ukraine to hang out and have a good time. Who wouldn’t want to hang out with that guy? Too bad he’s a terrible president, otherwise I may want to have an unapproved Baptist drink with him.