Pujols Sucks, OVER/UNDER, Click Stuff, AND FINALLY...

Pujols is batting .176 so far this season. Still, this better than six Royals who have played at least 7 games. But I am still more pissed at Pujols. Schilby. I mean, pansy. Sorry about that Joel. Kinda.

I am not going to lie, I am starting to get pissed off at Albert Pujols.

Yes, I know, it has barely been two weeks since the season started, but please allow me to share some statistics with you:

Albert Pujols career first 10 games numbers 2001-2006:

Rookie Season, 2001: 14-36, 3 2B, 3 HR, 11 RBI, 3 BB, 5 SO, 6 R, .389 avg., 1.158 OPS
2002: 12-40, 4 2B, HR, 10 RBI, 7 BB, 5 SO, SB, 9 runs, .300 avg., .871 OPS
2003: 11-37, 3 2B, 2 HR, 7 RBI, 7 BB, 4 SO, 9 runs, .297 avg., .936 OPS
2004: 11-38, 4 2B, 4 HR, 11 RBI, 12 BB, SO, 10 runs, .289 avg., 1.115 OPS
2005: 11-40, 2B, 3 HR, 5 RBI, 5 BB, 3 SO, SB, 7 runs, .275 avg., .866 OPS
2006: 9-33, 4 HR, 10 RBI, 12 BB, 4 SO, 2 SB, 9 runs, .273 avg., 1.080 OPS

Career Avg. through 10 games:
11-37, 3 2B, 3 HR, 9 RBI, 8 BB, 4 SO, SB, 8 R(50),.304 avg.

Albert Pujols 2007 through Thursday (officially 9 games):

6-34, 2 2B, HR, 2 RBI, 8 BB, 4 SO, 5 runs, .176 avg., .606 OPS

To reach his career average, Pujols must do the following today: five hits, a double, two home runs, seven runs batted in, and score three runs.

Normally I would say what the black kid says in Angels in the Outfield, “Hey, it could happen.”

Here are two things I have learned through this: Baseball-Reference.com is amazing and I can be legitimately mad at Pujols.

You don’t think so? Let’s take a look at some other first basemen:

• Name FR FP Comment
• Casey Kitchman 1 35 Who?
• Adrian Gonzalez T2 34 Huh?
• Mike Jacobs T2 34 Is this a real person?
• Kevin Millar 5 30 Oh geez…
• Todd Helton T6 26 Hey, someone I know!
• Pujols T6 26 BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
• Conor Jackson T8 25 Great, more people I don’t know.
• Kevin Youkillis T11 22 Pujols is only out producing him by 4 points.
• Nick Swisher T11 22 And he was one of Andrew’s worst picks!
• Prince Fielder 13 21 22 years-old and only 5 points behind Pujols.
• Jeff Conine 14 20 Okay, I am stopping there…

These are just first baseman. Pujols wasn’t supposed to be the best fantasy first baseman, he was supposed to be the best fantasy player.

Let’s take a look at some noteables (keep in mind, Pujols has 26 FP):

• Name FP Comment
• Orlando Hudson 39 Ouch.
• Rickie Weeks 37 Ouch.
• David DeJesus 37 Ouch.
• Ian Kinsler 37 Ouch.
• Akinori Iwamura 36 Acua who? Oh, and – Ouch.
• Aaron Hill 33 Ouch.
• Luis Gonzalez 32 Ouch.
• Brian McCann 32 He’s a catcher. Double Ouch.
• Eric Byrnes 31 Ouch.
• Ty Wigginton 30 Ouch.
• Kelly Johnson 30 Ouch.
• Geoff Jenkins 29 Ouch.
• Chad Tracy 29 Ouch.
• J.J. Herdy 29 The guy is on waivers….
• Ryan Church 29 So is he…
• Kenny Lofton 28 I thought he was dead?
• Edgar Renteria 28 Schilb is BEGGING to not start him anymore.
• Ken Griffey Jr. 27 Has played three games….in the last five years.
• Corey Patterson 27 Oh, Lord.
• Brandon Phillips 27 I swear this is not a joke.
• Curtis Granderson 26 Granderson = Pujols.
• David Eckstein 24 Okay, seriously, this is getting out of hand…
• Shawn Green 23 He’s a jew. Only reason why I put him on here.
• Gregg Zaun 23 A day away from being better than Pujols.
• Tony Pena Jr. 16 Really.

Alex Rodriguez is leading all players through Thursday with 62 points. I am okay with this. If Pujols were 10, even 20, points behind AROD right now I would be totally fine right now. AROD hit a home run in six straight games including a grand slam to end a game. I can understand not being able to match that pace. But Pujols is nearly 40 (36) points behind him. I mean, come on!

This is why I feel justified to say that I am pissed at Albert Pujols. To keep the rest of you informed of my emotions, I have created the PAP (Pissed-At-Pujols) Meter. This meter goes on a scale of “Who? What? I have who on my team? Really? I thought that space was kimball?” to “Why don’t we just start referring to Pujols has ‘Hall of Famer Albert Pujols’ right now and skip the whole ‘Future Hall of Famer’ thing? While we’re at it, let’s just go ahead and induct him now and save us the 20-plus year wait.”

Right now, the meter is set as such: “Here’s your sign.”

THE OVER/UNDER GAME

To keep things interesting, I am going to start a game called “The Over/Under Game”. Creative, huh? The point of this game is to be the most accurate at as many as the questions that are posed. What do you get if you win? As of now, nothing. I’ll work on it.

Rules:

1. Pick an over or under
2. Make an estimate of what will be the correct number
3. Pray like no one’s business that God does not consider this a sin
4. Post you guesses as a comment on the wall as a message on the League Page discussion board

5. Keep praying

+/- 27.5
Amount of Fantasy Points accumulated by Felix Hernandez in his next start.

+/- 1.5
The amount of home runs Alex Rodriguez hits from April 16 –22.

+/- 195
Amount of points scored by the Tones pitching staff from April 15-21.

+/- 1.5
Amount of wins by the Kansas City Royals between April 13-19.

+/- 8.5
Amount of wins by the Southwest Baptist baseball team for the rest of the season.

+/- 0
Total relief pitching points by 300 in his current match-up against the Smurfs.

+/- 5
Awards Ben Nielsen will win at the MCMA awards. (Last year I got five: 4 1st, 1 3rd)

I PUT THEM HERE SO YOU CAN CLICK ON THEM

I have similar feelings.

I think this guy played football at SBU at one point.

F'n Paul Bako.

Make your own conclusions.

You know what time it is?

Five good minutes

Music makes funny things funnier.

I think the closest I have ever been to having a reaction like this is when we drafted Derrick Johnson. Man, my favorite teams suck.

I'd vote for this Bush.

And more Ferrell...

AND FINALLY…

300 cheated.