Losers, More Losers, Trades, Greinke vs Dice-K, Maine Problems and other worthless things

First things first: Cardinals suck.

Second things second: Everyone except for Jason Wiley, some guy named Zau and myself sucks.

It must be known that the comment total on this blog for people in this league and people outside of this league is even at one apiece. Sad. Extremely sad. Everyone of you falls into at least one of these catagories:

1. You are a crap Cardinals Fan: How much Cardinal bashing has gone on this site and NO Cardinals fan has come to the rescue of their beloved World Freakin' Champions? You guys are pethetic.

2. You are a pansy.

3. Your fantasy team sucks and you have no balls to defend it. You are also, more than likely, a Cardinals fan.

4. You are a really big pansy.

5. You are a tool.

6. You drafted Jose Reyes.

7. You drafted David Ortiz.

8. You drafted Carlos Zambrano.

9. If 6-8 apply to you, then 2 and 4 automatically apply to you and you are obviously going to be single, living in your mother's basement for the rest of your life.

10. You play ball like a girl.

But honestly, I'm not a negative person.


TRADE RUMORS HEAT UP

With the first week of competition half-way through, some players have come to the realization that their team sucks. Like The Zou for instance.

Others have figured out that they have a few holes to be filled, like the Schilbies entire starting line-up (Cheer up Schilb, you could be The Zou).

A few more just see a couple of things they need to fix to have a comfortable line-up and pitching staff heading into the meat of the season.

Here are a few Needs/Wants/Haves for each team and a possible trade:

Tones
The Tones are in the best position of any team in this League through the first spectacularly long three days. Dice-K's performance today will dictate what will and will not be available from his pitching staff. Until then, he has some great postion players to help upgrade his line-up and bullpen.
NEEDS: Bullpen help - Wainwright's not going to get too many chances this year and Lidge looks like he is done.
WANTS: Me
HAVES: Great line-up, Starting pitching and depth.
POSSIBLE TRADE:

Final Thoughts: Assuming his line-up stays healthy, along with his pitching, the Tones are the team to beat.

The Butt Faces/300
The BF/300's are riding solid pitching to an early lead at the mid-way point of the week. Still, it is obvious where the holes are on this team. Expect Eric Chavez or someone else to be starting at third base really soon.

NEEDS: Third baseman and more relief pitching, like a closer on a team that is actually good. His middle infield spots, especially first base, could improve. His pitching is what is carying him right now.
WANTS: Third base and a life.
HAVES: Good outfield with depth, good catcher and starting pitching.
POSSIBLE TRADE:

Final Thoughts: There is a rumor going around that BF/300 is shopping Jose Reyes for the right deal. Reyes was BF/300's first pick in the draft and the third pick overall, so he certainly demands high value. The right combo of players could do it for him. A combination of a third baseman, second baseman and a starting pitcher could land you a very good player.

Smurfs
The Smurfs are currently Smurfing the mother Smurfing Zou. The are pretty Smurfing good at several possitions, but are Smurfed at several others.

NEEDS: It is always a good thing to have all of your Smurfing positions filled. Jason, apparently, is Smurfed about this concept. LEFT FIELDERRRRRRRRR.
WANTS: LEFT FIELDERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
HAVES: Not a LEFT FIELDERRRRRRRRRRRR and infanite more closers than LEFT FIELDERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRs.
POSSIBLE TRADE: For a LEFT handed pitcher. JK. The Zou, for all the things it lacks, like a team, does have two exceptional left fielders in Carlos Lee and Carl Crawford. Nick Markakis can also play left field so trading both Lee and Crawford is a possiblity here. Expect a trade involving Lee for the likes of either Sheffield, J.D. Drew, and or Erik Bedard or Takahi Saito.

Final Thoughts: ............................................................................................................................................ GET A SMURFIN' LEFT FIELDER!

KC
I really don't know what to say about this team. One reason is that I don't want to piss off the brother of the girl I want to make-out with sometime soon. Another is that this team could be dangerously good with the right trades.

NEEDS: Starting pitching. Lots of it. Second baseman.
WANTS: Get the image of me making out with his sister out of his head. And to punch me in the face. Oh, and a solid starting pitcher.
HAVES: Trading pieces galore. Rafael Furcal, Carlos Delgado, Derrek Lee, Orlando Caberera, Austin Kearns, Travis Hafner... All of these guys minus Derrek Lee and Hafner are on his bench...and its okay that they are. Good lord.
POSSIBLE TRADE: Delgado to 300 for Brett Meyers or Cole Hamels.

Finals Thoughts: Dude, this team is raw, but has VERY good potential. And I'm not saying that because I don't want to get punched in the face by the brother of the girl I want to make sweet, sweet out with. Err, something like that.

Blackhawks
Five words sum up this team: The owner is an idiot.

NEEDS: Jesus.
WANTS: Help.
HAVES: Pujols, which is his problem.
POSSIBLE TRADES: My team for Tony's straight up.

Final Thoughts: Good-bye crule world.

Kimball
Kimball now stands for "Vacant" or "Empty" or "Unoccupied" or "No One." Used in a sentence: "Kimball plays left field for the Smurfs."

NEEDS: An Owner.
WANTS: An Owner.
HAVES: A Roster.
POSSIBLE TRADES: Kimball for an Owner.

Final Thoughts: Jason, seriously, how do you NOT have a left fielder by now??????

Schilbies
The Purple Tellie Tubbies are on the lookout for infielders. Seriously, any infielder will sufice at this point.

NEEDS: A new name. Has Smurf disorder at DH. Kimball plays there.
WANTS: First base, second base, shortstop, DH, Closers
HAVES: Kimball at DH.
POSSIBLE TRADE: Verlander to KC for Lee or Hafner, Kent to KC for Rafael Furcal

Final Thoughts: Kimball at DH, huh? No wonder you are losing.

The Zou/The LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSers
The Zou had a scoring outburst of biblical proportions yesterday, scoring 25.5 points to raise their total points to 32! However, the Smurfin' Left Fielderless Smurfs (good God Erik, you are loosing to a Smurf and a team without a Left Fielder! Its like Jason put a degree of difficulty on himself and he is still has nearly FOUR TIMES as many points as you do...I'm...I'm not even mad, I'm impressed) somehow weathered the storm and remain on top.

NEEDS: An act of God.
WANTS: An act of God.
HAVES: No acts of God.
POSSIBLE TRADES: Adrian Gonzalez to Schilbes for Barry Zito (don't look at the names, go with reality. Zito is tradable Joel, this would be good for both of you). Grady Sizemore to Tones for Ryan Zimmerman or Felix Hernandez.

Final Thoughts: So, Erik, what are you doing with the first pick of next year's draft?

ROYALS LOSE BECAUSE THE RED SOX CHEATED

The Royals lost the Red Sox last night 7-1 in a game that was 40 degrees colder than it was on Monday. Geez. Missouri weather sucks.

The Royals had trouble getting their bats warm. Contact was not too much of an issue, they just hit the ball right at people. I would have appriciated a two-run or three-run bomb from Manny, but he was too busy getting high in the Hot Tub below the Jumbo Tron in left in between at-bats.

The Royals will take on Dice-K tonight in what may be the best game of the month. Greinke will start for the Royals, which makes this game that much better. Seriously, I cannot imagine a better pitching match-up than this. Sure, Dice-K and Johan Santana would be nice, but Santana is not nearly as goofy as Greinke and his stuff is not nearly as wacky as Greinke's either. This is not to say Greinke's stuff is better than Santana's. It's just to say that Greinke has an entirley different approach on the mound that Santana, which makes Greinke's stuff that much more bizzare.

I wonder what a conversation between Greinke and Dice-K would be like?

The game is in the afternoon, 1:10, so skip class if you have to.

MAINE PROBLEM

So, early yesterday, I decided I was going to pick up Maine to start against the Cardinals to try to close the gap between me and the Butt Faces. But I did not have an open starting postion so I dumped him.

Maine's line: 7 innings, one hit, 0 ERs, 2 BB, 6k's, QS, 33.5 Fantasy Points

Stupid Cardinals.

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