Letters to the Editor, Friday Round-Up and Saturday Preview

Dear Editor,

My name is Roy Halladay and I hate Ben Nielsen. Why do I hate Ben Nielsen? Because I love to irrationally hate opposing fantasy owners. Additionally, I have no clue who Ben is – making it easier to hate him. I’m sure he’s a decent person and all, but I couldn’t even tell you what he looks like. It’s a lot easier to hate people when you don’t know who they are as a person. Nielsen has a guy like that: Anquan Boldin.

Anyway, I heard through the grapevine that I was on a team facing Nielsen this week so I decided to go out and two-hit those damned New York Yankees. That’s right, the Yankees. SOB’s. I thought I’d add a little pizazz to my shutout by striking out 8 damn Yankees. I figured this, plus the great start Matt Cain had, would effectively end that SOB Nielsen’s season. Then I found out the team I’m on didn’t start Cain. Fool.

Oh well, I’ve still put Nielsen’s playoff hopes in dire straights (Where that saying came from or how it is correctly spelled I have no idea). That’s all that can be asked of me.

Anyway, have a good day and f**k the damn Yankees!

***

Dear Editor,

Hi. I’m Randy Johnson and I’m here to screw over Ben Nielsen’s playoff chances. Last week , after losing six straight starts on purpose, I decided it was time – with Nielsen down by 2 million points – to have a one and a half million point game. Just a good enough start to force him to not cut me. I noticed early in the week that Nielsen’s been planning on not starting me this week to force me to put back-to-back starts together (Which I can’t do because 41,000-years-old!). Well I could not have that if my sole purpose for being in the Major Leagues is to ruin Nielsen’s fantasy team. So I gave my buddies Mark Buehrle and Roy Halladay a call to tell them I needed them to step up this week. They obliged of course because I'm effing Randy Johnson! They would have put back-to-back shutouts together if it weren’t for that pesky Mike Aviles fellow and his dog too. Anyway, now he’s forced to start me this week so my purpose in the Majors can still be fulfilled and finally retire in peace.

Have a good day and f*** Roger Clemens!

***

Dear Editor,

I’m Matt Cain and I’m trying to figure out why the hell I wasn’t started yesterday.

Have a good day and f*** the guy who traded me this week!

***

Friday Round-Up

Ronnie Belliard FA: 3-for-4, 2B, 2 HR, 5 RBI, 2 runs = 20 FP
Austin Kearns FA: 2-for-2, 2 BB, 2B, HR, 3 RBI, 2 runs = 18 FP
Brian Roberts HH: 3-for-5, K, 2B, 3B, RBI, 2 runs, 2 SB = 17 FP
Jack Hannahan FA: 3-for-4, BB, HR, 3 RBI, 2 runs = 16 FP
Roy Halladay KC: W, 9 IP, 2 H, 0 ER, BB, 2 HBP, 8 K = 62 FP
Jake Peavy BSI: W, 7 IP, 4 H, 0 ER, BB, 7 K = 41 FP
Luis Mendoza FA: W, 6 IP, 3 H, ER, BB, 8 K = 40.5 FP
Cliff Lee PCO: W, 6 IP, 5 H, 0 ER, BB, 7 K = 38.5 FP

Saturday Preview

The Fat Lady Has Sung and Left the Building – Halos over Rasmus’ and Phantom Menaces over Smurfs

The Phantom Menaces have a serious shot at 500 points this week, which should eat into the Halos current 271 overall point lead. (PM leads the Halos 406.5 – 339 this week.)

One Bullet Avoided, One More to Go – ‘Roid Needles over The Zou

CRN avoided a massive point day for the Zou. Roy Oswalt left in the first inning with a hip injury; Joba Chamberlain’s six and two-thirds quality innings, seven strikeout performance turned into a loss because the Yankees couldn’t score; Oliver Perez gave up just one run in six innings and got a no-decision; Felix Hernandez gave up three runs in five innings, but struck out eight in a losing effort; Doug Davis turned in a par outing. All of this and The Zou still posted 49 pitching points for a 77 point day. The Zou sends out Rich Harden today while CRN counters with Hiroki Kuroda, Ervin Santana and Seth McClung.

Sunday will be the real test for CRN when The Zou sends out Tim Lincecum, Cole Hamels, Chad Billingsley, Andrew Miller and possibly Jesus if he is recalled from AAA Pawtucket.

Upset of the Week – Boom Goes the Dynamite over Cockies

The Cockies will send four pitchers to the mound today: Pedro Martinez (vs. COL), Jesse Litsch (vs. the recently shutout Yankees), Todd “Freakin’” Wellemeyer (@ Pit) and Wandy Rodriguez (@ WASH). After typing these names, I feel more confident this upset is going to happen.

(Editor’s Note: I thought I would note the Cockies scored over 500 points last week against the Inoculators and have followed that up with a whopping 223.5 points this week. Yep, the Inoculators are cursed. Additionally, don’t you think it is funny I wrote an “Editor’s Note” even though I am the writer and (exceedingly terrible) editor of this here blog? I did. I’m sorry you didn’t. You should be laughing right now, but you’re not. This makes me sad. And, yes, I know you don’t care.)

Matchup of the Week – KC over Inoculators

The Inoculators scored 99 points yesterday and only managed to shave 5.5 points off of KC’s 20.5 point lead. The Inoculators will attempt to shave the remaining 15 points with help of starts from Matt Garza (@ CLE) and Randy Johnson (@ PHI). All of this will probably be for naught as Greg Maddux will probably throw a 27-strikeout perfect game for KC tonight. Figures.