Preview Monday

Before we get to this week’s preview and predictions, here is a quick look at last week:

Phantom Menaces vs. KC

Player of the Week: Manny Ramirez (Chase Utley and Carlos Zambrano)
Underachiever of the Week: Jonathan Papelbon (KC’s entire team)
Projected Score: 326.5 – 276.5 (Actual score: 407.5 – 236)

Prediction
Manny Ramirez will hit three home runs and drive in 11 in the first week of what will be a huge season for the player who finds himself in a contract year. Result: Not so much. One homer and six RBI.

Unfortunately, Ramirez’ Red Sox will start the season under .500 due to two blown saves by young closer Jonathan Papelbon. Result: Papelbon was 2-for-2 on save opps.

KC will take advantage of this by getting solid weeks from Vladimir Guerrero and Travis Hafner to win the week. Result: Both were below average.

KC over Phantom Menaces. Result: Not so much.

Smurfs vs. The Zou

Player of the Week: Alex Rodriguez (Alex Rios’ 45 points and Howie Kendrick’s 43 was better.)
Underachiever of the Week: Ryan Braun (29 points ain’t too bad. Jerk.)
Projected Score: 378.5 – 76 (Actual Score: 293.5 – 279)

Prediction
Alex Rodriguez pretends as if the baseball was Jose Conseco’s head and pounds out four opening week home runs. Push.

While AROD is running the bases, Ryan Braun suddenly remembers that his rookie season was entirely insane and decides to make up for it by going 1 for 17 with eight strikeouts. Swing and a miss by me…

Add the DL stints for Gallardo and Smoltz will turn deadly as Oswalt, Lincecum and Hamels will each suffer terrible Opening Week outings. Oswalt = -32, Lincecum = 15, Hamels = 14. Nailed it!

Smurfs over Zou. Nailed it!

CRN vs. BGD
Player of the Week: Hideki Matsui
Underachiever of the Week: Fausto Carmona (Oops.)
Projected Score: 341 – 297.5

Prediction
Fresh off his marriage to an Anima character of a reputable employee, Matsui joins AROD to bash out three homers and three doubles in addition to winning another bet with Derrek Jeter and Bobby Abreu. He was good (2 HR, .350 BA), but not THAT good.

Life will not be so great for Fausto Carmona when he realizes that he is not nearly as good as he was last season. Oops.

CRN over BGD. Nailed it!

Cockies vs. Rasmi
Player of the Week: N/A
Underachiever of the Week: Matt Holliday (4-for-22 equals a… Nailed it!)
Projected Score: -13.5 – (-13.5)

Prediction
This matchup is terrible; I refuse to make a legitement prediction. The matchup ends in a tie.

Halo’s vs. Inoculators
Player of the Week: Prince Fielder (8-for-22 is not bad. Would like more power though.)
Underachiever of the Week: Bobby Abreu (Wasn’t bad, but wasn’t good. I rule “push”)
Projected Score: 386 – 312 (Not too far off…I’d tell you the actual score, but ESPN is down…again.)

Prediction
Dismayed that he lost the bet between Jeter, Matsui and himself, Abreu begins the season in a slump worse than the one he had last season. Eh.

Halo’s over Inoculators. I won one! I won one!

***

Smurfs vs. Cockies

Player of the Week: Josh Beckett
Underachiever of the Week: Daisuke Matsuzaka
Projected Score: 317.5 – 306

Prediction
This is the week Dice-K comes back to earth. It is also the week Josh Beckett shakes off the rust and throws a nice game for the Cockies. Unfortunately for the Cockies, the rest of his pitching staff sucks and will cost him yet another game.

Smurfs over Cockies.

Rasmi vs. KC

Player of the Week: Vladimir Guerrero
Underachiever of the Week: Johan Santana
Projected Score: 386 – 213.5

Prediction
Vlad is ready to wake up from his offseason slumber with a big week. At the same time, the lights are going to start getting brighter and hotter for Johan. With all the pressure on him to carry the pitching staff in a major market (not lowly Minnesota), Santana will hick-up for the first time this season.

KC over Rasmi.

Phantom Menaces vs. CRN

Player of the Week: Chase Utley
Underachiever of the Week: Ben Sheets and Brad Penny
Projected Score: 346 – 296

Prediction
Kyle won’t be braggin’ about his pitching staff after this week. Sheets and Penny will get hit hard as Chase Utley continues his hot hitting.

PM over CRN.

Halos vs. BGD

Player of the Week: Dan Haren
Underachiever of the Week: Halo Pitching Staff
Projected Score: 319.5 – 226.5

Prediction
Dan Haren can expect far more success than the likes of Verlander, Sabathia, Snell and “the other guy who I’ve never heard of” this week.

Halos over BGD.

Inoculators vs. Zou

Player of the Week: Andrew Miller
Underachiever of the Week: Hunter Pence
Projected Score: 5 million to negative 5 million

Prediction
I hate Erik.

Inoculators over Zou.