10th Post Celebration, Week Two Review, Week Three Preview, Ultimate Lineup, Power Rankings, Stats, Venting, Pujols the Tool, Ballots, Other Stuff

Seriously, this is freaking amazing.




PAP Meter – “Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.”

This is the 10th post of the League Blog. Let’s look back at some of the more fine moments of our illustrious blog’s history.

300* Steroids Scandal – Remember way back in Week One when 300 was charged with knowingly allowing players to use steroids? Whatever happened with that anyway? Man, how time flies and you just forget things.

Week One Predictions – I was 3 for 4 that week. Freaking steroids cost me a perfect start more ways that one.

Pujols Sucks – Remember that time when I was so nerdy and pissed off I wrote an entire thing about how Pujols is having the worst start of his career and how it was negatively affecting my team? Wow, that was way back in the day when I was sarcastic and negative.

Left Fielder – LEFT FIELDERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kimball – [this spot is empty on purpose]

When The Zou Equaled the 2003 Tigers – Hey, even the they won, like, 43 games or something.

Smurfin’ Smurfs – Gay name. But 105 points in one day? Holy Crap. (For the record, the Tones had a 114 point day last week)

King Felix - Nice pick up Tony. Piece (o’ crap).

Royals Rule – Remember that time when the Royals were 1-0? And the Cardinals started 0-3. Those were good times.

As you can see, we have been through a lot these last ten posts. Who knows how many rough looking, tattooed, nappy-headed hos will lose championship games in the next ten posts.

WEEK TWO REVIEW

What was supposed to be the “Match-up of the Week” turned into the second-biggest blowout of the week.

The culprit? 300* relief pitching. Even with Ultimate Lineup star Josh Beckett notching in 45.5 points this week, the pitching for 300 amassed a total of 7.5 points. Yikes. This performance led to the ultimate demise of 300 and gave the Smurfs an easy win.

Key in Review – Starting Pitching: Turned out to be relief pitching, but it was still pitching just the same.

Picks to Not Suck – JD Drew, Smurfs and Andruw Jones, 300: Jones had 24 points and Drew only had 11 Abs due to rainouts and such.

Prediction – Smurfs over 300: Me = 4 for 5 on predictions so far.

Other Games

Tones vs KC

Picks to Not Suck – Ichiro Suzuki, Tones and Derek Lee, KC: Ichiro = 6 points in 13 Abs, Lee = Umm….he sucked.

Prediction – Tones over KC: 5 for 6 thank you.

Schilbies vs Team Kimball/Pez-Eaters

Picks to Not Suck – Ryan Howard, PEZ and Miguel Cabrera, Schilbies: Howard = 8 Abs and 28 points…I’d say that’s good. Cabrera = 21 points. Well, he didn’t suck.

Prediction – Schilbies over PEZ: 5 for 7. Stupid Eating of Pez.

Blackhawks vs The Zou

Picks to Not Suck – Mark Teahen, Zou and David Wright, Blackhawks: Teahen = 7 Ks, -8 points…ouch. Wright = 14 points in 10 Abs. I’ll take that…though Atkins had 29. Would have rather had that.

Prediction – Blackhawks over Zou: 5 for 8. No comment.

WEEK THREE PREVIEW

There are two reasons why Springfield (or Springfeild as he spells it) KC verses Columbia Schilies will be the best match-up of the week:

1) Vlad Guerrero is going to be pissed off this week.
2) There is really no other decent match-up this week.

SO… without further adu, here is the breakdown of the Schilbies versus KC game.

KC has the definite lineup edge in this match. Three names for KC: Vlad Guerrero, Travis Hafner and Carlos Delgado. Rafael Frucal also returns from the DL this week, which makes his like up that much better. Now if he only had a better third baseman…

While pitching has not been his strong point, KC still holds the edge over the Schilbies with starters like Jake Peavy, Ted Lily and closer Bob Wickman. The Pansies do have John Lacky and John Smoltz to go with Justin Verlander, but all three of them have not been enough to get strong performances out of the pitching staff. Then again, the Pansies just got rid of Barry Zito…I take that back, the Schilbies have the edge in pitching.

What all of this is going to come down to is the Pansies seeing an upgrade in pitching performance or KC getting the consistency he needs out of his lineup. Whoever does that better is going to walk away with the win this week.

W2W4: Rain outs. He who plays get the chance to score points. He who does not, roots for the other guy to lose points.

Picks to Not Suck: Carlos Delgado, KC and Miguel Cabrera, Schilbies

Prediction: KC over Schilbies. I need someone to go 0-3 with my Schilb. Make me proud.

Other Games

Krunk Smurfs vs Blackhawks

W2W4: A name change from the Blackhawks this week.
Picks to Not Suck: Alex Rodriguez, Smurfs and Manny Ramirez, Blackhawks
Prediction: Smurfs all kinds of over Blackhawks

Pez-Eaters vs Tones

W2W4: This match-up could get interesting. Well, at least until Felix Hernandez pitches.
Picks to Not Suck: Felix Hernandez, Tones and Chase Utley, Pez
Prediction: Felix Hernandez over Pez

The Zou vs 300*

W2W4: Neither are playing me, thus, they will suck.
Picks to Not Suck: They will all suck.
Prediction: 300* over Zou, 102.5 - 87

ULTIMATE LINEUP

C Russell Martin (Tones) 25 points
Backup Kenji Johjima (Smurfs) 20 points

1B Ryan Howard (PEZ) 28 points
Backup Justin Mourneau 27 points

2B Rickie Weeks (Smurfs) 37 points
Backup Ian Kinsler (Tones) 36 points

3B Adrian Beltre (FA) 33 points
Backups Chipper Jones (PEZ), Alex Rodriguez (Smurfs), Garrett Atkins (Blackhawks) 29 points

SS Aaron Hill (FA) 29 points
Backups Carlos Guillen (Tones), Jose Reyes (300) 35 points
LF Carlos Lee (Zou) 27 points
Backup Barry Bonds (Blackhawks) 26 points

CF Kenny Lofton (FA), Grady Siezmore (Zou) 28 points
Backup Andruw Jones (300) 24 points

RF Alex Rios (Smurfs) 29 points
Backup Delmon Young (Zou) 25 points

DH Kevin Millar (FA) 30 points
Backup Jim Thome (Tones) 22 points

Starting Pitchers
1) C.C. Sabathia (Zou) 70 points
2) Kyle Lohse (FA) 65 points
3) Tim Hudson (Zou) 58 points
4) Felix Hernandez (Tones) 55 points
5) Josh Beckett (300) 46 points

Backups
Andy Pettitte (Schilbies) 43 points, Ted Lily (KC) and Nate Robinson (Tones) 38 points

Relief Pitchers
1) Bradon Looper (FA) 39 points
2) David Aardsma (FA) 36 points

Backups
Chris Ray (Smurfs) 35 points, Al Reyes (FA) and Francisco Cordero (Tones) 34 points

Week and Season Totals for Ultimate Lineup Starters
FA 7 (8), Zou 4 (4), Tones 2 (5), Smurfs 2 (3), PEZ 1 (1), 300 1 (5)

Week and Season Totals for Ultimate Lineup Backups
Tones 5 (6), Smurfs 3 (8), Zou 2 (2), Blackhawks 2 (2), 300 2 (3), FA 1 (6), PEZ 1 (1), Schilbies 1 (1), KC 1 (4)

STATS AND THINGS

Umm…all these numbers say I am cursed. That’s all that they mean. Oh, and these numbers are from ESPN. That is why they look weird and are, more than likely wrong.

Top 3 Total Points For (Season)
1) Tones (872.5)
2) KC (639)
3) Smurfs (582.5)

Top 3 Points Against (Season)
1) KC (740)
2) Blackhawks (696.5)
3) Schilbies (583)

Top 3 Best Scoring Days (Season)
1) Tones 114 April 11
2) Smurfs 105 April 7
3) The Zou 95 April 15

Top 3 Worst Scoring Days (Season)
1) The Zou minus-15 April 6
2) 300* minus-13.5 April 11
3) Blackhawks minus-13 April 15

POWER RANKINGS

OOOOOHHHHHHHH we have a new number one!

1) Anybody playing the Blackhawks. This week – the Krunk Smurfs. “Wait,” you say. “They were number one last week.” To this I say…nothing. I’m an idiot.

2) Tones – King Felix rules for the Tones

3) Pez-Eaters – Good pick-ups lead to big jump.

4) KC – Rainouts hurt him last week.

5) 300 – Not so easy when you lay off the ‘roids for a week is it?

6) The Zou – Even the 2003 Tigers won games. Don’t get used to the winning feeling.

7) Blackhawks – And I won’t be getting used to the winning feeling either…

8) Schilbies – Somehow, your team is worse than mine. How? I don’t know. Maybe next week…

VENTING MOMENT OF THE DAY

There are very few things more satisfying than deflating your enemy without having to say a single word.

PUJOLS THE TOOL

Pujols line: 2-5, 2 HR, 5 RBI, 2 runs, K

Could have used that out put a few times this week…thanks Tool.

Then he says that he has been dealing with a sore oblique...once again, Tool.

OVER/UNDER BALLOTS

There is still time to submit your over / under ballot. Either leave it as a comment on the blog or on the league page.

The categories are on the last post.

DO IT NOW…please?

By the way, thanks Tony for your submission and your guess at the amount of my awards I would get.

OTHER STUFF

If I get around to it…

300 Suspended for Steroid Use, Week One Review, Week Two Preview

Come on, like you didn't expect 300 to be on the Roids. For shame Andrew, for shame.

In a stunning turn of events, Andrew Wessley's Fantasy Baseball Team "300" has been suspended indefinately after the revelation of steroid use by the team's players.

"I'm in shock," The League creator Ben Nielsen said in a statement. "I am appalled that Mr. Wessley would allow such conduct to occur in his orgainization. I insure all that Mr. Wessley and his team will be punished to the fullest extent of The League rules and bylaws."

The information was revealed by an anonymous source who provided evidence that 300 fantasy players were on steroids and that team owner Wessley was aware of it.

Wessley denied reporters requests for interviews, but a publicist did make a statement.

"Yeah, he knew about it," said Wessley publicist Amy Grigby. "He's known about it from the begining. He's just pissed that he got caught."

The alagations come at a time where 300 just barely pulled of an upset of the #1 Blackhawks 275.5 - 232.5.

"I sucked this week," team leader Albert Pujols said. "I let the team down. I let the organization down. I let myself down. I let my family down. I let God down. Most importantly, I let the greatest man in the world down, Ben Nielsen. Suicide may be an option for me."

While official judgement has not yet passed, it can be assumed the win by 300 will be forfeited. News of this led Pujols to put a week long postponement on his suicide plans.

300 next sceduled opponent was sceduled to be the Krunk Smurfs, but it is unlikely Nielsen will allow them to compete.

"They cheated," Nielsen said. "I cannot allow for cheaters to be in this league. If 'he who will not be named' wants to cheat than he can go live a single life in his mother's basement. I...I just can't awknowledge his existence right now. I'm ashamed and embaressed I ever knew of the 'so called' man."

Week two will continue with or without 300. The Blackhawks have a bye this week...oh, excuse me...play The Zou this week while KC takes on the Tones and the Schilbies take on Team KIMBALL.

WEEK ONE REVIEW

300 verus the Blackhawks was the best match-up of the week. 300's steroid ladened victory gives them a 1-0 record while the Blackhawks fall to 0-1.

The key to the win for 300 (aside from the steroids) was Albert Pujols and Manny Ramirez extremely slow start. The two combined for a six-for-36 start (0 HRs, 2 RBI, 5 Ks, 2 runs, 2 XBH) going into play on Sunday. By that time, the game had, for all intensive purposes, been decided.

April 4 was the key day for 300, out-scoring the Blackhawks 86.5 to 46.5. Left Fielder Matt Holliday went four-for-five with a double, home run and four RBI's while scoring twice and catcher Victor Martinez added a four-for-four performance, walking twice and smacking a double. Shortstop Jose Reyes also added a double, home run and three RBIs to the mix. In total, the line up of 300 produced 30 points.

The pitching for 300 was the key to the big point day. Phillies starting pitcher Cole Hammels went off in his season debut, going seven shutout inning, striking out eight while walking one. Hammels earned 32.5 points dispite not earning the win. Huston Street pitched a solid inning in relief and Josh Beckett took the win in a 16.5 point performance.

Key's in Review - Opening Day: While 300 did not take a big lead on Opening Day, the 60-plus point outburst leveled off the Blackhawks biggest scoring day (59.5). Had any of the other 300 starting pitchers gone the way of Carlos Zambrano, the Blackhawks may have stole the win.

Picks to Not Suck - Albert Pujols and David Ortiz: Yeah, the both sucked.
Prediction - Blackhawks over 300: Stupid steroids.

Other Week One Games

Smurfs vs The Zou

Picks to Not Suck - Carl Crawford and Carlos Beltran: Crawford = mediocure, Beltran = Freaking Good (29 points second only to Eric Byrnes in CF)
Prediction - Smurfs over The Zou: Nailed it. Not even close. Thanks for helping me out Zou.

KIMBALL vs KC

Picks to Not Suck - Guerrerro and Ryan Howard: Guerrerro = Definition of not sucking, Howard = definition of sucking
Prediction - KC over KIMBALL: Nailed it again. By the way KC, thanks for David Wright. I appriciate it.

Schilbies vs Tones

Picks to Not Suck - Robinson Cano and Ryan Zimmerman: Cano = traded, Zimmerman = not traded
Prediction - Tones over Schilbies: 3 for 4. Stupid 300 and steroids.

WEEK TWO PREVIEW

300 will need more steroids if they look to get past the red, er, blue hot Smurfs. The Smurfs posted a league leading 333 points last week including an 105 point day on April 7.

300 has the bats to keep up with the Smurfs. The Smurfs benefited from a monsterous performance from 3B Alex Rodriguez last week and 300 suffered from a slumping DH David Ortiz. Ortiz appeared to have broken out of his slump Sunday night. If AROD cools off and Ortiz heats up, the Line-ups for each team will be a push.

What will decide the matchup this week is pitching. 300 needs newly aquired Pirates closer Salomon Torres to remain steady and for the Pirates to continuing winning. The Pirates face St. Louis and San Francisco this week. Torres will need another week like last week to keep 300 in the race.

The Smurfs chances will rest on Boston starter Curt Schilling and Reds starter Aaron Harang. The growingly inconsistant Schilling needs to avoid a bad start and Harang needs to avoid a poor performance in Chicago too hold on to as many points as they can.

The team who loses the most points to poor starting pitching performances will lose this matchup.

W2W4: STARTING PITCHING! Didn't know if I'd made that point yet.
Picks to Not Suck: J.D. Drew, Smurfs and Andruw Jones
Prediction: Smurfs in a close one over 300

OTHER GAMES

Tones vs KC

W2W4: New look KC trys to add points in an unconventional style. Will have a tough task verses Tone pitching.
Picks to Not Suck: Ichiro Suzuki, Tones and Derek Lee, KC
Prediction: Tones pitching over KC

Schilbies vs Team KIMBALL

W2W4: Will the Schilbies lose to, well, nobody? That would be embarrassing wouldn't it?
Picks to Not Suck: Ryan Howard, Kimball and Miguel Cabrera, Schilbies
Prediction: Schilbies over Kimball

Blackhawks vs The Zou

W2W4: Can the Zou break 100?
Picks to Not Suck: Mark Teahen, The Zou and David Wright, Blackhawks
Prediction: Blackhawks (hopefully) over The Zou