AROD, Mid-Week Power Rankings and Worthless Stuff

Yay sportsmanship!

PAP Meter: “Dear [Albert], I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit. You are scum between my toes. Love, [Ben]”

Five home runs. 12 runs batted in. Seven hits. Four games. 32 fantasy points. You know what the sad part about Alex Rodriguez monster four game stretch is? He is not even the best offensive fantasy player on the Smurfs so far this week (Carlos Beltran – 36 points). Add Rickie Weeks’ 25 points and you have 93 points between three players. That is 94 more points than the entire Blackhawks pitching staff.

It is numbers like these that has led me to one conclusion: I need a name change.

Consider this:

Week One Opponent -300*: We all remember the steroid scandal that happened that week. What you don’t remember? Huston Street’s 25.5 points. He now resides on the 300* bench. Solomon Torres who had a key save at the end of the week? Not even on his roster.

Week Two Opponent – The Zou: The Zou had 74.5 points in week one. Their follow up for week two? A cool 319.5…with nearly THE SAME ROSTER! What?!?!?!?!

While this was going on… Albert Pujols is having the worst offensive start of his career and so is Manny Ramirez. I had a day where three pitchers have the following line: 21 IP, 2 ER, 8 BB, 12 K and 3 Quality Starts. Their record? 1-2. ONE AND TWO! On the same day, Mr. Guillen decided to not bring in his closer until there was one out in the ninth to prevent him from getting the save. So, the total points for three of the four pitchers? 1. One. Uno.

Week Three Opponent – Smurfs: AROD goes crazy off. Beltran goes crazy off. Weeks goes off. Webb strikes out 13 in eight innings.

What happens to me? I have 114 point offensive start DWARFED by Smurfs who only needed THREE players to almost make up the difference. Todd Jones blew a save to the ROYALS of all people.

Yep, I suck.

Actually, no, I don’t suck. I am cursed. It makes sense doesn’t it? I mean, when was the last time someone blew a save to the Royals? Really?

So I have decided to change my name to better reflect something that resembles curs-ed-ness…er…something like that.

Here it is:

You ready?

I am now officially the….Blue Springs Royal-Cubs.

I think it captures, not just the cursedness, but also the “I suck really bad” ness.

If you think you have any better suggestions, I will gladly take them.

ABOUT THAT AROD GUY…

Rodriguez is 31 years-old. Here are his career stats:

.306 BA, 476 HR, 1377 RBI, 1378 runs, 370 2B, 26 3B, 242 SB, 60 CS, 827 BB, 1419 K, .386 OBP, .577 SLG and 2 MVP Awards

2007 Stats:

.371 BA, 12 HR, 30 RBI, 20 runs, 6 2B, SB, 7 BB, 15 K, .431 OBP, 1.048 SLG

I have one question: How do Yankee fans boo this guy? Oh, yeah, I remember. He only hit 35 homers and drove in 121 last year. That makes sense.

ABOUT THAT PUJOLS GUY…

He hasn’t sucked this week (HR, 2 RBI, 5 BB, 3 singles, 15 FP) but he has not been dominate. I’m still for that AROD-like week.

Feel free to do it anytime soon buddy. Tool…

AS I WRITE THIS…

As I previously mentioned in this blog, the Royals had an unfathomable win on Wednesday and then followed it up with an 11-7 accidental victory versus the Twins on Friday. Right now, they are up 3-1 versus Boof Bonzer (yeah, he was on my fantasy team…I was desperate) in the 4^th inning. Dare I say it? Winning streak?????

Wait, I just remembered. We have David Riske. I take that back.

NBA PLAYOFFS

After a grueling three year long regular season, the NBA has finally started the playoffs. The first game of the best of 19 game series began today. Game two is scheduled for next month.

My prediction? Some team who could not win in the Olympics will win it all. That means it is wide open.

AS I WRITE THIS PART TWO…

Remember that Carlos Beltran guy I have been speaking of? Yeah, well he has put up another 11 fantasy points since I have started this blog.

Piece.

MID-WEEK POWER RANKINGS

1) Smurfs – Jerk.

2) Tones – Bye, bye King Felix.

3) KC – Piece.

4) Pez-Eaters – Okay, I’m going to be honest with you – I was expecting a better name.
Sorry, but, I just was. At least your team doesn’t suck though.

5) The Zou - The Zou = 2006 Cardinals. You have no business winning. You receive no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

6) 300* - So…you gonna start doing steroids again?

7) Schilbies – I still think your name is gay. Really. Very gay.

9098709487203498572093485720938475109847) Royal-Cubs – I suck.

I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS…

It in a clutch situation, the game tied at three in the bottom of the ninth (actually, it’s the fourth, but, just go with it) Alex Gordon has hit his second home run of his career. Move over Pujols, AROD, Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, Hank Aaron, Willie Mays and…dare I say…George Brett – HERE COMES AGOR!

Oh, it should be noted that Greinke has thrown 78 pitches through four innings. Efficiency is what I call that. Efficiency. (P.S. He through 48 pitches in .2 innings his last start.)

10th Post Celebration, Week Two Review, Week Three Preview, Ultimate Lineup, Power Rankings, Stats, Venting, Pujols the Tool, Ballots, Other Stuff

Seriously, this is freaking amazing.




PAP Meter – “Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.”

This is the 10th post of the League Blog. Let’s look back at some of the more fine moments of our illustrious blog’s history.

300* Steroids Scandal – Remember way back in Week One when 300 was charged with knowingly allowing players to use steroids? Whatever happened with that anyway? Man, how time flies and you just forget things.

Week One Predictions – I was 3 for 4 that week. Freaking steroids cost me a perfect start more ways that one.

Pujols Sucks – Remember that time when I was so nerdy and pissed off I wrote an entire thing about how Pujols is having the worst start of his career and how it was negatively affecting my team? Wow, that was way back in the day when I was sarcastic and negative.

Left Fielder – LEFT FIELDERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kimball – [this spot is empty on purpose]

When The Zou Equaled the 2003 Tigers – Hey, even the they won, like, 43 games or something.

Smurfin’ Smurfs – Gay name. But 105 points in one day? Holy Crap. (For the record, the Tones had a 114 point day last week)

King Felix - Nice pick up Tony. Piece (o’ crap).

Royals Rule – Remember that time when the Royals were 1-0? And the Cardinals started 0-3. Those were good times.

As you can see, we have been through a lot these last ten posts. Who knows how many rough looking, tattooed, nappy-headed hos will lose championship games in the next ten posts.

WEEK TWO REVIEW

What was supposed to be the “Match-up of the Week” turned into the second-biggest blowout of the week.

The culprit? 300* relief pitching. Even with Ultimate Lineup star Josh Beckett notching in 45.5 points this week, the pitching for 300 amassed a total of 7.5 points. Yikes. This performance led to the ultimate demise of 300 and gave the Smurfs an easy win.

Key in Review – Starting Pitching: Turned out to be relief pitching, but it was still pitching just the same.

Picks to Not Suck – JD Drew, Smurfs and Andruw Jones, 300: Jones had 24 points and Drew only had 11 Abs due to rainouts and such.

Prediction – Smurfs over 300: Me = 4 for 5 on predictions so far.

Other Games

Tones vs KC

Picks to Not Suck – Ichiro Suzuki, Tones and Derek Lee, KC: Ichiro = 6 points in 13 Abs, Lee = Umm….he sucked.

Prediction – Tones over KC: 5 for 6 thank you.

Schilbies vs Team Kimball/Pez-Eaters

Picks to Not Suck – Ryan Howard, PEZ and Miguel Cabrera, Schilbies: Howard = 8 Abs and 28 points…I’d say that’s good. Cabrera = 21 points. Well, he didn’t suck.

Prediction – Schilbies over PEZ: 5 for 7. Stupid Eating of Pez.

Blackhawks vs The Zou

Picks to Not Suck – Mark Teahen, Zou and David Wright, Blackhawks: Teahen = 7 Ks, -8 points…ouch. Wright = 14 points in 10 Abs. I’ll take that…though Atkins had 29. Would have rather had that.

Prediction – Blackhawks over Zou: 5 for 8. No comment.

WEEK THREE PREVIEW

There are two reasons why Springfield (or Springfeild as he spells it) KC verses Columbia Schilies will be the best match-up of the week:

1) Vlad Guerrero is going to be pissed off this week.
2) There is really no other decent match-up this week.

SO… without further adu, here is the breakdown of the Schilbies versus KC game.

KC has the definite lineup edge in this match. Three names for KC: Vlad Guerrero, Travis Hafner and Carlos Delgado. Rafael Frucal also returns from the DL this week, which makes his like up that much better. Now if he only had a better third baseman…

While pitching has not been his strong point, KC still holds the edge over the Schilbies with starters like Jake Peavy, Ted Lily and closer Bob Wickman. The Pansies do have John Lacky and John Smoltz to go with Justin Verlander, but all three of them have not been enough to get strong performances out of the pitching staff. Then again, the Pansies just got rid of Barry Zito…I take that back, the Schilbies have the edge in pitching.

What all of this is going to come down to is the Pansies seeing an upgrade in pitching performance or KC getting the consistency he needs out of his lineup. Whoever does that better is going to walk away with the win this week.

W2W4: Rain outs. He who plays get the chance to score points. He who does not, roots for the other guy to lose points.

Picks to Not Suck: Carlos Delgado, KC and Miguel Cabrera, Schilbies

Prediction: KC over Schilbies. I need someone to go 0-3 with my Schilb. Make me proud.

Other Games

Krunk Smurfs vs Blackhawks

W2W4: A name change from the Blackhawks this week.
Picks to Not Suck: Alex Rodriguez, Smurfs and Manny Ramirez, Blackhawks
Prediction: Smurfs all kinds of over Blackhawks

Pez-Eaters vs Tones

W2W4: This match-up could get interesting. Well, at least until Felix Hernandez pitches.
Picks to Not Suck: Felix Hernandez, Tones and Chase Utley, Pez
Prediction: Felix Hernandez over Pez

The Zou vs 300*

W2W4: Neither are playing me, thus, they will suck.
Picks to Not Suck: They will all suck.
Prediction: 300* over Zou, 102.5 - 87

ULTIMATE LINEUP

C Russell Martin (Tones) 25 points
Backup Kenji Johjima (Smurfs) 20 points

1B Ryan Howard (PEZ) 28 points
Backup Justin Mourneau 27 points

2B Rickie Weeks (Smurfs) 37 points
Backup Ian Kinsler (Tones) 36 points

3B Adrian Beltre (FA) 33 points
Backups Chipper Jones (PEZ), Alex Rodriguez (Smurfs), Garrett Atkins (Blackhawks) 29 points

SS Aaron Hill (FA) 29 points
Backups Carlos Guillen (Tones), Jose Reyes (300) 35 points
LF Carlos Lee (Zou) 27 points
Backup Barry Bonds (Blackhawks) 26 points

CF Kenny Lofton (FA), Grady Siezmore (Zou) 28 points
Backup Andruw Jones (300) 24 points

RF Alex Rios (Smurfs) 29 points
Backup Delmon Young (Zou) 25 points

DH Kevin Millar (FA) 30 points
Backup Jim Thome (Tones) 22 points

Starting Pitchers
1) C.C. Sabathia (Zou) 70 points
2) Kyle Lohse (FA) 65 points
3) Tim Hudson (Zou) 58 points
4) Felix Hernandez (Tones) 55 points
5) Josh Beckett (300) 46 points

Backups
Andy Pettitte (Schilbies) 43 points, Ted Lily (KC) and Nate Robinson (Tones) 38 points

Relief Pitchers
1) Bradon Looper (FA) 39 points
2) David Aardsma (FA) 36 points

Backups
Chris Ray (Smurfs) 35 points, Al Reyes (FA) and Francisco Cordero (Tones) 34 points

Week and Season Totals for Ultimate Lineup Starters
FA 7 (8), Zou 4 (4), Tones 2 (5), Smurfs 2 (3), PEZ 1 (1), 300 1 (5)

Week and Season Totals for Ultimate Lineup Backups
Tones 5 (6), Smurfs 3 (8), Zou 2 (2), Blackhawks 2 (2), 300 2 (3), FA 1 (6), PEZ 1 (1), Schilbies 1 (1), KC 1 (4)

STATS AND THINGS

Umm…all these numbers say I am cursed. That’s all that they mean. Oh, and these numbers are from ESPN. That is why they look weird and are, more than likely wrong.

Top 3 Total Points For (Season)
1) Tones (872.5)
2) KC (639)
3) Smurfs (582.5)

Top 3 Points Against (Season)
1) KC (740)
2) Blackhawks (696.5)
3) Schilbies (583)

Top 3 Best Scoring Days (Season)
1) Tones 114 April 11
2) Smurfs 105 April 7
3) The Zou 95 April 15

Top 3 Worst Scoring Days (Season)
1) The Zou minus-15 April 6
2) 300* minus-13.5 April 11
3) Blackhawks minus-13 April 15

POWER RANKINGS

OOOOOHHHHHHHH we have a new number one!

1) Anybody playing the Blackhawks. This week – the Krunk Smurfs. “Wait,” you say. “They were number one last week.” To this I say…nothing. I’m an idiot.

2) Tones – King Felix rules for the Tones

3) Pez-Eaters – Good pick-ups lead to big jump.

4) KC – Rainouts hurt him last week.

5) 300 – Not so easy when you lay off the ‘roids for a week is it?

6) The Zou – Even the 2003 Tigers won games. Don’t get used to the winning feeling.

7) Blackhawks – And I won’t be getting used to the winning feeling either…

8) Schilbies – Somehow, your team is worse than mine. How? I don’t know. Maybe next week…

VENTING MOMENT OF THE DAY

There are very few things more satisfying than deflating your enemy without having to say a single word.

PUJOLS THE TOOL

Pujols line: 2-5, 2 HR, 5 RBI, 2 runs, K

Could have used that out put a few times this week…thanks Tool.

Then he says that he has been dealing with a sore oblique...once again, Tool.

OVER/UNDER BALLOTS

There is still time to submit your over / under ballot. Either leave it as a comment on the blog or on the league page.

The categories are on the last post.

DO IT NOW…please?

By the way, thanks Tony for your submission and your guess at the amount of my awards I would get.

OTHER STUFF

If I get around to it…