10th Post Celebration, Week Two Review, Week Three Preview, Ultimate Lineup, Power Rankings, Stats, Venting, Pujols the Tool, Ballots, Other Stuff

Seriously, this is freaking amazing.




PAP Meter – “Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.”

This is the 10th post of the League Blog. Let’s look back at some of the more fine moments of our illustrious blog’s history.

300* Steroids Scandal – Remember way back in Week One when 300 was charged with knowingly allowing players to use steroids? Whatever happened with that anyway? Man, how time flies and you just forget things.

Week One Predictions – I was 3 for 4 that week. Freaking steroids cost me a perfect start more ways that one.

Pujols Sucks – Remember that time when I was so nerdy and pissed off I wrote an entire thing about how Pujols is having the worst start of his career and how it was negatively affecting my team? Wow, that was way back in the day when I was sarcastic and negative.

Left Fielder – LEFT FIELDERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kimball – [this spot is empty on purpose]

When The Zou Equaled the 2003 Tigers – Hey, even the they won, like, 43 games or something.

Smurfin’ Smurfs – Gay name. But 105 points in one day? Holy Crap. (For the record, the Tones had a 114 point day last week)

King Felix - Nice pick up Tony. Piece (o’ crap).

Royals Rule – Remember that time when the Royals were 1-0? And the Cardinals started 0-3. Those were good times.

As you can see, we have been through a lot these last ten posts. Who knows how many rough looking, tattooed, nappy-headed hos will lose championship games in the next ten posts.

WEEK TWO REVIEW

What was supposed to be the “Match-up of the Week” turned into the second-biggest blowout of the week.

The culprit? 300* relief pitching. Even with Ultimate Lineup star Josh Beckett notching in 45.5 points this week, the pitching for 300 amassed a total of 7.5 points. Yikes. This performance led to the ultimate demise of 300 and gave the Smurfs an easy win.

Key in Review – Starting Pitching: Turned out to be relief pitching, but it was still pitching just the same.

Picks to Not Suck – JD Drew, Smurfs and Andruw Jones, 300: Jones had 24 points and Drew only had 11 Abs due to rainouts and such.

Prediction – Smurfs over 300: Me = 4 for 5 on predictions so far.

Other Games

Tones vs KC

Picks to Not Suck – Ichiro Suzuki, Tones and Derek Lee, KC: Ichiro = 6 points in 13 Abs, Lee = Umm….he sucked.

Prediction – Tones over KC: 5 for 6 thank you.

Schilbies vs Team Kimball/Pez-Eaters

Picks to Not Suck – Ryan Howard, PEZ and Miguel Cabrera, Schilbies: Howard = 8 Abs and 28 points…I’d say that’s good. Cabrera = 21 points. Well, he didn’t suck.

Prediction – Schilbies over PEZ: 5 for 7. Stupid Eating of Pez.

Blackhawks vs The Zou

Picks to Not Suck – Mark Teahen, Zou and David Wright, Blackhawks: Teahen = 7 Ks, -8 points…ouch. Wright = 14 points in 10 Abs. I’ll take that…though Atkins had 29. Would have rather had that.

Prediction – Blackhawks over Zou: 5 for 8. No comment.

WEEK THREE PREVIEW

There are two reasons why Springfield (or Springfeild as he spells it) KC verses Columbia Schilies will be the best match-up of the week:

1) Vlad Guerrero is going to be pissed off this week.
2) There is really no other decent match-up this week.

SO… without further adu, here is the breakdown of the Schilbies versus KC game.

KC has the definite lineup edge in this match. Three names for KC: Vlad Guerrero, Travis Hafner and Carlos Delgado. Rafael Frucal also returns from the DL this week, which makes his like up that much better. Now if he only had a better third baseman…

While pitching has not been his strong point, KC still holds the edge over the Schilbies with starters like Jake Peavy, Ted Lily and closer Bob Wickman. The Pansies do have John Lacky and John Smoltz to go with Justin Verlander, but all three of them have not been enough to get strong performances out of the pitching staff. Then again, the Pansies just got rid of Barry Zito…I take that back, the Schilbies have the edge in pitching.

What all of this is going to come down to is the Pansies seeing an upgrade in pitching performance or KC getting the consistency he needs out of his lineup. Whoever does that better is going to walk away with the win this week.

W2W4: Rain outs. He who plays get the chance to score points. He who does not, roots for the other guy to lose points.

Picks to Not Suck: Carlos Delgado, KC and Miguel Cabrera, Schilbies

Prediction: KC over Schilbies. I need someone to go 0-3 with my Schilb. Make me proud.

Other Games

Krunk Smurfs vs Blackhawks

W2W4: A name change from the Blackhawks this week.
Picks to Not Suck: Alex Rodriguez, Smurfs and Manny Ramirez, Blackhawks
Prediction: Smurfs all kinds of over Blackhawks

Pez-Eaters vs Tones

W2W4: This match-up could get interesting. Well, at least until Felix Hernandez pitches.
Picks to Not Suck: Felix Hernandez, Tones and Chase Utley, Pez
Prediction: Felix Hernandez over Pez

The Zou vs 300*

W2W4: Neither are playing me, thus, they will suck.
Picks to Not Suck: They will all suck.
Prediction: 300* over Zou, 102.5 - 87

ULTIMATE LINEUP

C Russell Martin (Tones) 25 points
Backup Kenji Johjima (Smurfs) 20 points

1B Ryan Howard (PEZ) 28 points
Backup Justin Mourneau 27 points

2B Rickie Weeks (Smurfs) 37 points
Backup Ian Kinsler (Tones) 36 points

3B Adrian Beltre (FA) 33 points
Backups Chipper Jones (PEZ), Alex Rodriguez (Smurfs), Garrett Atkins (Blackhawks) 29 points

SS Aaron Hill (FA) 29 points
Backups Carlos Guillen (Tones), Jose Reyes (300) 35 points
LF Carlos Lee (Zou) 27 points
Backup Barry Bonds (Blackhawks) 26 points

CF Kenny Lofton (FA), Grady Siezmore (Zou) 28 points
Backup Andruw Jones (300) 24 points

RF Alex Rios (Smurfs) 29 points
Backup Delmon Young (Zou) 25 points

DH Kevin Millar (FA) 30 points
Backup Jim Thome (Tones) 22 points

Starting Pitchers
1) C.C. Sabathia (Zou) 70 points
2) Kyle Lohse (FA) 65 points
3) Tim Hudson (Zou) 58 points
4) Felix Hernandez (Tones) 55 points
5) Josh Beckett (300) 46 points

Backups
Andy Pettitte (Schilbies) 43 points, Ted Lily (KC) and Nate Robinson (Tones) 38 points

Relief Pitchers
1) Bradon Looper (FA) 39 points
2) David Aardsma (FA) 36 points

Backups
Chris Ray (Smurfs) 35 points, Al Reyes (FA) and Francisco Cordero (Tones) 34 points

Week and Season Totals for Ultimate Lineup Starters
FA 7 (8), Zou 4 (4), Tones 2 (5), Smurfs 2 (3), PEZ 1 (1), 300 1 (5)

Week and Season Totals for Ultimate Lineup Backups
Tones 5 (6), Smurfs 3 (8), Zou 2 (2), Blackhawks 2 (2), 300 2 (3), FA 1 (6), PEZ 1 (1), Schilbies 1 (1), KC 1 (4)

STATS AND THINGS

Umm…all these numbers say I am cursed. That’s all that they mean. Oh, and these numbers are from ESPN. That is why they look weird and are, more than likely wrong.

Top 3 Total Points For (Season)
1) Tones (872.5)
2) KC (639)
3) Smurfs (582.5)

Top 3 Points Against (Season)
1) KC (740)
2) Blackhawks (696.5)
3) Schilbies (583)

Top 3 Best Scoring Days (Season)
1) Tones 114 April 11
2) Smurfs 105 April 7
3) The Zou 95 April 15

Top 3 Worst Scoring Days (Season)
1) The Zou minus-15 April 6
2) 300* minus-13.5 April 11
3) Blackhawks minus-13 April 15

POWER RANKINGS

OOOOOHHHHHHHH we have a new number one!

1) Anybody playing the Blackhawks. This week – the Krunk Smurfs. “Wait,” you say. “They were number one last week.” To this I say…nothing. I’m an idiot.

2) Tones – King Felix rules for the Tones

3) Pez-Eaters – Good pick-ups lead to big jump.

4) KC – Rainouts hurt him last week.

5) 300 – Not so easy when you lay off the ‘roids for a week is it?

6) The Zou – Even the 2003 Tigers won games. Don’t get used to the winning feeling.

7) Blackhawks – And I won’t be getting used to the winning feeling either…

8) Schilbies – Somehow, your team is worse than mine. How? I don’t know. Maybe next week…

VENTING MOMENT OF THE DAY

There are very few things more satisfying than deflating your enemy without having to say a single word.

PUJOLS THE TOOL

Pujols line: 2-5, 2 HR, 5 RBI, 2 runs, K

Could have used that out put a few times this week…thanks Tool.

Then he says that he has been dealing with a sore oblique...once again, Tool.

OVER/UNDER BALLOTS

There is still time to submit your over / under ballot. Either leave it as a comment on the blog or on the league page.

The categories are on the last post.

DO IT NOW…please?

By the way, thanks Tony for your submission and your guess at the amount of my awards I would get.

OTHER STUFF

If I get around to it…

Pujols Sucks, OVER/UNDER, Click Stuff, AND FINALLY...

Pujols is batting .176 so far this season. Still, this better than six Royals who have played at least 7 games. But I am still more pissed at Pujols. Schilby. I mean, pansy. Sorry about that Joel. Kinda.

I am not going to lie, I am starting to get pissed off at Albert Pujols.

Yes, I know, it has barely been two weeks since the season started, but please allow me to share some statistics with you:

Albert Pujols career first 10 games numbers 2001-2006:

Rookie Season, 2001: 14-36, 3 2B, 3 HR, 11 RBI, 3 BB, 5 SO, 6 R, .389 avg., 1.158 OPS
2002: 12-40, 4 2B, HR, 10 RBI, 7 BB, 5 SO, SB, 9 runs, .300 avg., .871 OPS
2003: 11-37, 3 2B, 2 HR, 7 RBI, 7 BB, 4 SO, 9 runs, .297 avg., .936 OPS
2004: 11-38, 4 2B, 4 HR, 11 RBI, 12 BB, SO, 10 runs, .289 avg., 1.115 OPS
2005: 11-40, 2B, 3 HR, 5 RBI, 5 BB, 3 SO, SB, 7 runs, .275 avg., .866 OPS
2006: 9-33, 4 HR, 10 RBI, 12 BB, 4 SO, 2 SB, 9 runs, .273 avg., 1.080 OPS

Career Avg. through 10 games:
11-37, 3 2B, 3 HR, 9 RBI, 8 BB, 4 SO, SB, 8 R(50),.304 avg.

Albert Pujols 2007 through Thursday (officially 9 games):

6-34, 2 2B, HR, 2 RBI, 8 BB, 4 SO, 5 runs, .176 avg., .606 OPS

To reach his career average, Pujols must do the following today: five hits, a double, two home runs, seven runs batted in, and score three runs.

Normally I would say what the black kid says in Angels in the Outfield, “Hey, it could happen.”

Here are two things I have learned through this: Baseball-Reference.com is amazing and I can be legitimately mad at Pujols.

You don’t think so? Let’s take a look at some other first basemen:

• Name FR FP Comment
• Casey Kitchman 1 35 Who?
• Adrian Gonzalez T2 34 Huh?
• Mike Jacobs T2 34 Is this a real person?
• Kevin Millar 5 30 Oh geez…
• Todd Helton T6 26 Hey, someone I know!
• Pujols T6 26 BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
• Conor Jackson T8 25 Great, more people I don’t know.
• Kevin Youkillis T11 22 Pujols is only out producing him by 4 points.
• Nick Swisher T11 22 And he was one of Andrew’s worst picks!
• Prince Fielder 13 21 22 years-old and only 5 points behind Pujols.
• Jeff Conine 14 20 Okay, I am stopping there…

These are just first baseman. Pujols wasn’t supposed to be the best fantasy first baseman, he was supposed to be the best fantasy player.

Let’s take a look at some noteables (keep in mind, Pujols has 26 FP):

• Name FP Comment
• Orlando Hudson 39 Ouch.
• Rickie Weeks 37 Ouch.
• David DeJesus 37 Ouch.
• Ian Kinsler 37 Ouch.
• Akinori Iwamura 36 Acua who? Oh, and – Ouch.
• Aaron Hill 33 Ouch.
• Luis Gonzalez 32 Ouch.
• Brian McCann 32 He’s a catcher. Double Ouch.
• Eric Byrnes 31 Ouch.
• Ty Wigginton 30 Ouch.
• Kelly Johnson 30 Ouch.
• Geoff Jenkins 29 Ouch.
• Chad Tracy 29 Ouch.
• J.J. Herdy 29 The guy is on waivers….
• Ryan Church 29 So is he…
• Kenny Lofton 28 I thought he was dead?
• Edgar Renteria 28 Schilb is BEGGING to not start him anymore.
• Ken Griffey Jr. 27 Has played three games….in the last five years.
• Corey Patterson 27 Oh, Lord.
• Brandon Phillips 27 I swear this is not a joke.
• Curtis Granderson 26 Granderson = Pujols.
• David Eckstein 24 Okay, seriously, this is getting out of hand…
• Shawn Green 23 He’s a jew. Only reason why I put him on here.
• Gregg Zaun 23 A day away from being better than Pujols.
• Tony Pena Jr. 16 Really.

Alex Rodriguez is leading all players through Thursday with 62 points. I am okay with this. If Pujols were 10, even 20, points behind AROD right now I would be totally fine right now. AROD hit a home run in six straight games including a grand slam to end a game. I can understand not being able to match that pace. But Pujols is nearly 40 (36) points behind him. I mean, come on!

This is why I feel justified to say that I am pissed at Albert Pujols. To keep the rest of you informed of my emotions, I have created the PAP (Pissed-At-Pujols) Meter. This meter goes on a scale of “Who? What? I have who on my team? Really? I thought that space was kimball?” to “Why don’t we just start referring to Pujols has ‘Hall of Famer Albert Pujols’ right now and skip the whole ‘Future Hall of Famer’ thing? While we’re at it, let’s just go ahead and induct him now and save us the 20-plus year wait.”

Right now, the meter is set as such: “Here’s your sign.”

THE OVER/UNDER GAME

To keep things interesting, I am going to start a game called “The Over/Under Game”. Creative, huh? The point of this game is to be the most accurate at as many as the questions that are posed. What do you get if you win? As of now, nothing. I’ll work on it.

Rules:

1. Pick an over or under
2. Make an estimate of what will be the correct number
3. Pray like no one’s business that God does not consider this a sin
4. Post you guesses as a comment on the wall as a message on the League Page discussion board

5. Keep praying

+/- 27.5
Amount of Fantasy Points accumulated by Felix Hernandez in his next start.

+/- 1.5
The amount of home runs Alex Rodriguez hits from April 16 –22.

+/- 195
Amount of points scored by the Tones pitching staff from April 15-21.

+/- 1.5
Amount of wins by the Kansas City Royals between April 13-19.

+/- 8.5
Amount of wins by the Southwest Baptist baseball team for the rest of the season.

+/- 0
Total relief pitching points by 300 in his current match-up against the Smurfs.

+/- 5
Awards Ben Nielsen will win at the MCMA awards. (Last year I got five: 4 1st, 1 3rd)

I PUT THEM HERE SO YOU CAN CLICK ON THEM

I have similar feelings.

I think this guy played football at SBU at one point.

F'n Paul Bako.

Make your own conclusions.

You know what time it is?

Five good minutes

Music makes funny things funnier.

I think the closest I have ever been to having a reaction like this is when we drafted Derrick Johnson. Man, my favorite teams suck.

I'd vote for this Bush.

And more Ferrell...

AND FINALLY…

300 cheated.