Come on, like you didn't expect 300 to be on the Roids. For shame Andrew, for shame.In a stunning turn of events, Andrew Wessley's Fantasy Baseball Team "300" has been suspended indefinately after the revelation of steroid use by the team's players.
"I'm in shock," The League creator Ben Nielsen said in a statement. "I am appalled that Mr. Wessley would allow such conduct to occur in his orgainization. I insure all that Mr. Wessley and his team will be punished to the fullest extent of The League rules and bylaws."
The information was revealed by an anonymous source who provided evidence that 300 fantasy players were on steroids and that team owner Wessley was aware of it.
Wessley denied reporters requests for interviews, but a publicist did make a statement.
"Yeah, he knew about it," said Wessley publicist Amy Grigby. "He's known about it from the begining. He's just pissed that he got caught."
The alagations come at a time where 300 just barely pulled of an upset of the #1 Blackhawks 275.5 - 232.5.
"I sucked this week," team leader Albert Pujols said. "I let the team down. I let the organization down. I let myself down. I let my family down. I let God down. Most importantly, I let the greatest man in the world down, Ben Nielsen. Suicide may be an option for me."
While official judgement has not yet passed, it can be assumed the win by 300 will be forfeited. News of this led Pujols to put a week long postponement on his suicide plans.
300 next sceduled opponent was sceduled to be the Krunk Smurfs, but it is unlikely Nielsen will allow them to compete.
"They cheated," Nielsen said. "I cannot allow for cheaters to be in this league. If 'he who will not be named' wants to cheat than he can go live a single life in his mother's basement. I...I just can't awknowledge his existence right now. I'm ashamed and embaressed I ever knew of the 'so called' man."
Week two will continue with or without 300. The Blackhawks have a bye this week...oh, excuse me...play The Zou this week while KC takes on the Tones and the Schilbies take on Team KIMBALL.
WEEK ONE REVIEW
300 verus the Blackhawks was the best match-up of the week. 300's steroid ladened victory gives them a 1-0 record while the Blackhawks fall to 0-1.
The key to the win for 300 (aside from the steroids) was Albert Pujols and Manny Ramirez extremely slow start. The two combined for a six-for-36 start (0 HRs, 2 RBI, 5 Ks, 2 runs, 2 XBH) going into play on Sunday. By that time, the game had, for all intensive purposes, been decided.
April 4 was the key day for 300, out-scoring the Blackhawks 86.5 to 46.5. Left Fielder Matt Holliday went four-for-five with a double, home run and four RBI's while scoring twice and catcher Victor Martinez added a four-for-four performance, walking twice and smacking a double. Shortstop Jose Reyes also added a double, home run and three RBIs to the mix. In total, the line up of 300 produced 30 points.
The pitching for 300 was the key to the big point day. Phillies starting pitcher Cole Hammels went off in his season debut, going seven shutout inning, striking out eight while walking one. Hammels earned 32.5 points dispite not earning the win. Huston Street pitched a solid inning in relief and Josh Beckett took the win in a 16.5 point performance.
Key's in Review - Opening Day: While 300 did not take a big lead on Opening Day, the 60-plus point outburst leveled off the Blackhawks biggest scoring day (59.5). Had any of the other 300 starting pitchers gone the way of Carlos Zambrano, the Blackhawks may have stole the win.
Picks to Not Suck - Albert Pujols and David Ortiz: Yeah, the both sucked.
Prediction - Blackhawks over 300: Stupid steroids.
Other Week One Games
Smurfs vs The Zou
Picks to Not Suck - Carl Crawford and Carlos Beltran: Crawford = mediocure, Beltran = Freaking Good (29 points second only to Eric Byrnes in CF)
Prediction - Smurfs over The Zou: Nailed it. Not even close. Thanks for helping me out Zou.
KIMBALL vs KC
Picks to Not Suck - Guerrerro and Ryan Howard: Guerrerro = Definition of not sucking, Howard = definition of sucking
Prediction - KC over KIMBALL: Nailed it again. By the way KC, thanks for David Wright. I appriciate it.
Schilbies vs Tones
Picks to Not Suck - Robinson Cano and Ryan Zimmerman: Cano = traded, Zimmerman = not traded
Prediction - Tones over Schilbies: 3 for 4. Stupid 300 and steroids.
WEEK TWO PREVIEW
300 will need more steroids if they look to get past the red, er, blue hot Smurfs. The Smurfs posted a league leading 333 points last week including an 105 point day on April 7.
300 has the bats to keep up with the Smurfs. The Smurfs benefited from a monsterous performance from 3B Alex Rodriguez last week and 300 suffered from a slumping DH David Ortiz. Ortiz appeared to have broken out of his slump Sunday night. If AROD cools off and Ortiz heats up, the Line-ups for each team will be a push.
What will decide the matchup this week is pitching. 300 needs newly aquired Pirates closer Salomon Torres to remain steady and for the Pirates to continuing winning. The Pirates face St. Louis and San Francisco this week. Torres will need another week like last week to keep 300 in the race.
The Smurfs chances will rest on Boston starter Curt Schilling and Reds starter Aaron Harang. The growingly inconsistant Schilling needs to avoid a bad start and Harang needs to avoid a poor performance in Chicago too hold on to as many points as they can.
The team who loses the most points to poor starting pitching performances will lose this matchup.
W2W4: STARTING PITCHING! Didn't know if I'd made that point yet.
Picks to Not Suck: J.D. Drew, Smurfs and Andruw Jones
Prediction: Smurfs in a close one over 300
OTHER GAMES
Tones vs KC
W2W4: New look KC trys to add points in an unconventional style. Will have a tough task verses Tone pitching.
Picks to Not Suck: Ichiro Suzuki, Tones and Derek Lee, KC
Prediction: Tones pitching over KC
Schilbies vs Team KIMBALL
W2W4: Will the Schilbies lose to, well, nobody? That would be embarrassing wouldn't it?
Picks to Not Suck: Ryan Howard, Kimball and Miguel Cabrera, Schilbies
Prediction: Schilbies over Kimball
Blackhawks vs The Zou
W2W4: Can the Zou break 100?
Picks to Not Suck: Mark Teahen, The Zou and David Wright, Blackhawks
Prediction: Blackhawks (hopefully) over The Zou
